True TV

Fall 2008 Premiere Dates

2008-09-01T19:03:00.001-06:00

* New Series

MONDAY SEPT. 1
Prison Break (Fox)
Gossip Girl (CW)
One Tree Hill (CW)
Raising the Bar (TNT) *

TUESDAY SEPT. 2
90210 (CW) *
The Shield (FX) >

WEDNESDAY SEPT. 3
Bones (Fox)
America’s Next Top Model (CW)
Sons of Anarchy (FX) *
Top Design (Bravo)

THURSDAY SEPT. 4
The Moment of Truth (Fox)

SATURDAY SEPT. 6
Cops (Fox)
America’s Most Wanted (Fox)

SUNDAY SEPT. 7
True Blood (HBO) * >
Entourage (HBO)

MONDAY SEPT. 8
Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles (Fox)

TUESDAY SEPT. 9
Fringe (Fox) *
Privileged (CW) *

WEDNESDAY SEPT. 10
Til Death (Fox)
Do Not Disturb (Fox) *

THURSDAY SEPT. 11
Kitchen Nightmares (Fox)

FRIDAY SEPT. 12
America’s Toughest Jobs (NBC)
Don’t Forget the Lyrics (Fox)

SATURDAY SEPT. 13
Mad TV (Fox)
Talkshow with Spike Feresten (Fox)

TUESDAY SEPT. 16
House (Fox)
Lincoln Heights (ABC Family)

THURSDAY SEPT. 18
Survivor: Gabon (CBS)
Smallville (CW)
Supernatural (CW)
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX) >

MONDAY SEPT. 22
Dancing With the Stars (ABC)
Boston Legal (ABC)
The Big Bang Theory (CBS)
How I Met Your Mother (CBS)
Two & a Half Men (CBS)
Worst Week (CBS) *
CSI: Miami (CBS)
Heroes (NBC)

TUESDAY SEPT. 23
Opportunity Knocks (ABC) *
Without a Trace (CBS)
NCIS (CBS)
The Mentalist (CBS) *
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (NBC)

WEDNESDAY SEPT. 24
Knight Rider (NBC) * >
New Adventures of Old Christine (CBS)
Gary Unmarried (CBS) *
Criminal Minds (CBS)
CSI: NY (CBS)
Lipstick Jungle (NBC)

THURSDAY SEPT. 25
Ugly Betty (ABC)
Grey’s Anatomy (ABC)
My Name Is Earl (NBC)
The Office (NBC)
ER (NBC)

SUNDAY SEPT. 28
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (ABC)
Desperate Housewives (ABC)
Brothers & Sisters (ABC)
The Amazing Race (CBS)
Cold Case (CBS)
The Unit (CBS)
The Simpsons (Fox)
King of the Hill (Fox)
Family Guy (Fox)
American Dad (Fox)
Dexter (Showtime) >
Californication (Showtime)

MONDAY SEPT. 29
Chuck (NBC)

WEDNESDAY OCT. 1
Pushing Daisies (ABC)
Private Practice (ABC)
Dirty Sexy Money (ABC)

FRIDAY OCT. 3
Wife Swap (ABC)
Supernanny (ABC)
Ghost Whisperer (CBS)
The Ex List (CBS) * >
Numbers (CBS)
Life (NBC)
Everybody Hates Chris (CW)
The Game (CW)
Sanctuary (Sci-Fi) *

MONDAY OCT. 6
Samantha Who? (ABC)

FRIDAY OCT. 10
The Starter Wife (USA) * >

MONDAY OCT. 13
My Own Worst Enemy (NBC) *

TUESDAY OCT. 14
Eli Stone (ABC)

FRIDAY OCT. 17
Crusoe (NBC) *
Crash (Starz) *

WEDNESDAY OCT. 29
Stylista (CW) *

THURSDAY OCT. 30
30 Rock (NBC)

2009
Lost (ABC)
Scrubs (ABC)
According to Jim (ABC)
Rules of Engagement (CBS)
Friday Night Lights (NBC)
Law & Order (NBC)
Medium (NBC)
24 (Fox)
Dollhouse (Fox) * >
The Cleveland Show (Fox) *
Reaper (CW)
Big Love (HBO)

Dexter Season 3 Promo!

2008-07-25T15:51:00.004-06:00

With Weeds turning in its best season yet (so far, anyway) and Californication's David Duchovny all over the damn place pimping that X-Files movie, it's been almost easy to forget that Dexter is returning to Showtime (no, not CBS) in September. But then my free HBO got shut off--who do you complain to about that?--and this Season 3 promo turned up. Loving it, except for Jennifer Carpenter's new short hair. September 28, bitches ...

Gossip Girl: Very Bad For You

2008-07-18T14:13:00.002-06:00

The CW's Gossip Girl isn't a favorite of The Only TV Column That Matters™, but the show's new ad campaign deserves props for turning the outrage of pinhead morality groups back on itself. No, I'm still never going to actually watch Gossip Girl, but this is some funny shit.

The ads pull quotes from various publications (including that brain trust known as the Parents Television Council, who think the only show appropriate for viewing on TV right now is The Greatest American Dog ... seriously) and use them as surprisingly effective selling points: "Very bad for you, " "Mind-blowingly inappropriate," "A nasty piece of work" and "Every parent's nightmare," coupled with sexy pix = advertising gold!

Radio From Hell SumCap 7.14.08

2008-07-14T00:00:00.001-06:00

The summary/recap of this morning's Radio From Hell TV report on X96:

Tonight 7.14
The Closer, Saving Grace (TNT) Season Premieres: Kyra Sedgwick is returns as The Closer; Holly Hunter returns Grace what needs saving. TNT should combine the two shows into Closing Grace, the new Cagney & Lacey.

Tuesday 7.15
The Cleaner (A&E) Series Debut: Benjamin Bratt stars as a recovering addict who helps other get “clean” from their addictions. Apparently, Bratt’s addictions are stilted monologues and menacing facial hair.

From Gs to Gents (MTV) Series Debut: “MTV heads to the hood to find 14 young Gs with gruff exteriors and unrelenting street swagger, and put them to the ultimate challenge of their lives pull up their pants, check their egos and transform them into true gentlemen.” And Fonzworth Bentley is the man to do it! Who? What? Huh?

Wednesday 7.16
Project Runway (Bravo) Season Premiere: Back for Season 5—last one on Bravo before it moves to Lifetime, a far less gay channel.

Dog the Bounty Hunter (A&E) Season Premiere/Return: Yes, they let him come back. Gene Simmons and Criss Angel ain’t payin’ the bills.

Thursday 7.17
The Office Webisodes (NBC.com) The new round of The Office Webisodes (last seen in 2006) premiered last week with a very funny two-minute bit involving Kevin (Brian Baumgartner), alleged gambling debts and a possibly fraudulent bank loan. This week (new installments go online Thursday afternoons), the story continues with Kevin trying to sell his “Malone’s Cones” ice-cream business—marquee flavor: “Fudge the Magic Dragon”—plan to a loan officer. Of course it’ll work!

The Gong Show, Reality Bites Back (Comedy Central) Series Debuts: NBC’s smarm-wreck America’s Got Talent is just a clone of The Gong Show, so why not bring that back? With Dave Attell in place of original host Chuck Barris? I believe the question answers itself. Slightly more entertaining is Reality Bites Back, wherein comedians compete in spoofs of popular reality-competition shows, all presided over by Michael Ian Black. Since neither The Gong Show nor Reality Bites Back is as ridiculous as their targets, they must be viewed as legit talent shows. Mind. Blown.

Friday 7.18
Monk, Psych (USA) Season Premieres: Since the actor who played Monk’s therapist is dead, here’s Hector Elizondo, his new shrink. Other than that, same ol’ OCD detective show. As for Psych, if you either loved or hated the wacky crime-solvin’ antics of Sean and Gus before (True TV finds ‘em hysterical, FYI), your mind will not be changed, much less blown.

Sunday 7.20
High School Musical: Get In the Picture (ABC) Series Debut: Wondering why Nick Lachey was spotted around Salt Lake City a few weeks ago? More pressingly, wondering who Nick Lachey is? The former Mr. Jessica Simpson is the host of High School Musical: Get In the Picture, yet another reality-talent show. What’s the ultimate prize? Starring in a music video to be shown in the end credits of High School Musical 3. Seriously. This is a major network series. Projected to air for 10 weeks.

Generation Kill (HBO) Miniseries Pt. 2 of 7: David Simon and Ed Burns’ Generation Kill is more than just The Wire Goes to Iraq—but that’s easier. The seven-part series, based on embedded Rolling Stone reporter Evan Wright’s book of the same name, shares The Wire’s bare-bones realism and dark humor, but hits harder (or should) because it’s on the news 24/7 and happening right now—Iraq gets more coverage than Baltimore, after all. If HBO’s WWII-set Band of Brothers had more profanity, heavy metal (music and hardware) and no historically ordained happy ending, you’d have Generation Kill.

The Office: New Websodes!

2008-07-10T14:13:00.002-06:00

The new round of The Office Webisodes (last seen in 2006) premiered today with a very funny two-minute bit involving Kevin (Brian Baumgartner), alleged gambling debts and a possibly fraudulent bank loan. Next week (new installments go online Thursday afternoons), the story continues with Kevin trying to sell his “Malone’s Cones” ice-cream business—marquee flavor: “Fudge the Magic Dragon”—plan to a loan officer. Yeah, I know—you’ll wait for the DVD set.

The Middleman: Yes, It's on ABC Family

2008-07-07T16:42:00.006-06:00

One of my favorite new shows is on ABC Family. No, I can't believe it, either. But tonight's episode is titled "The Manicoid Teleportation Conundrum," so how it could possibly suck like, say, Greek?

The Middleman (Mondays) is like Men In Black on a cable budget, with a hint of old-school Saturday-morning Kroft cheese. And star Natalie Morales is just TF hot, even though she never actually wears those lowcut leather catsuits as promoted by, yep, ABC Family. Pat Robertson must be rolling over in his grave.

In more clever Middleman promotional news, dig this:

Get Awkward

2008-07-02T20:23:00.001-06:00

Frequent City Weekly contributor Brian Staker does this podcast called The Awkward Hour, wherein he sits and chats with random "interesting" people for nearly 120 minutes (yes, that adds up to far more than an hour--he's a writer, not a mathematician).

For Episode 8, he podded me. No, I don't know why, either. Much shit was talked about sports writers, rock critics, bad TV, our ever-dumber America and other stuff we can't remember (Episode 8 brought to you by Uinta Golden Spike Hefeweizen, BTW). I also alleged that CW editor Holly Mullen is on permanent vacation, so I'll be cleaning out my desk while you listen.

Check my Awkward Two Hours with Staker here.

Rescue Me: Thanks for ... Something

2008-07-01T23:06:00.002-06:00

So the Rescue Me "minisodes" thus far (all two of 'em) have been utter nonsense--tonight, there was some sort of payoff. At least for us more perverted, er, imaginative fans of the show.

"Fantasy" kicked off with Tommy (Denis Leary) getting hot n' heavy with estranged girlfriend Sheila (Callie Thorn)--believable enough, her being insane and all. Suddenly, estranged ex-wife Janet (Andrea Roth) is joining in, at which point it's obviously a Victoria's Secret catalogue-induced dream. No sooner are Sheila and Janet turning their attentions to each other (oh, yeah), when Probie Mike (Michael Lombardi) shows up (oh ... no). Just turns into a half-assed gay joke from there.

Are these 5-minute weekly chunks going to make me forgive Rescue Me for not returning until 2009? Fuck no. But tonight, they almost had me ...

Radio From Hell SumCap 6.23.08

2008-06-23T00:00:00.002-06:00

The summary/recap of this morning's Radio From Hell TV report on X96:

Summer TV
Burn Notice (USA, July 10), The Closer and Saving Grace (TNT, July 14), Monk and Psych (USA, July 18), Mad Men (AMC, July 27), Eureka (Sci-Fi, July 29), The Shield (FX, Sept. 2), It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX, Sept. 4), Dexter and Brotherhood (Showtime, Sept. 28).

Tuesday 6.24
Rescue Me Minisodes (FX) Five-minute comedic episodes, since Rescue Me won’t be back until 2009. Good reason to almost watch 30 Days.

Wipeout (ABC) Debut: It’s like the Japanese Most Extreme Challenge (MXC), only … no, it’s MXC.

Charlie Jade (Sci-Fi) New Night: Instead of trying to make sense of it on Fridays, try it on Tuesdays.

Wednesday 6.25
The Baby Borrowers (NBC) Debut: Dumb teens are given toddlers. A reality show, not a day at Lagoon.

Farmer Wants a Wife (CW) Finale: If you’ve been following this, please shoot yourself.

Shear Genius (Bravo) Season Premiere: It’s like Groomer Has It, but with people.

Saturday 6.28
Nothing. Go see Roller Derby at the Utah Olympic Oval, Sisters of No Mercy vs. Leave It to Cleavers. SLCDerby.com.

Sunday 6.29
The Factory (Spike) Debut: It’s like The Office, in a factory. And not funny.

Radio From Hell SumCap 6.16.08

2008-06-16T00:00:00.004-06:00

The summary/recap of this morning's Radio From Hell TV report on X96:

Tonight 6.16
Weeds (Showtime) Season Premiere: When last we left pot-dealing MILF Nancy Botwin (Mary-Louise Parker), her home was engulfed in wildfires and she was dragging the family south down the Cali coastline to work for her new gang partner/boss on the Mexican border. It’s only going to get weirder (read: better) now that Nancy’s moving in with her estranged father-in-law (well-cast vet Albert Brooks) in the border town of Ren Mar. Meanwhile, back in what’s left of Agrestic, her former crew is pinning their marijuana crop on jailed Celia (continuing scene-stealer Elizabeth Perkins); logic and promo photos say they’ll all be reunited sometime this season.

Secret Diary of a Call Girl (Showtime) Series Debut: Secret Diary of a Call Girl is A. A sexy-smart British import about the life of a “full-service” escort, and 2. The answered prayers of Doctor Who nerds who lusted over sweet lil’ Billie Piper in the revival series a few years ago. Now, she’s Belle (the call girl) by night and Hannah (the real girl) by late afternoon, narrating the ins and outs—ha!—of her business with professional cool a la USA’s Burn Notice. Secret Diary may not be the next great Showtime series, but it’ll do until the return of Californication.

Tuesday 6.17
America’s Got Talent (NBC) Season Premiere: Hosted by Jerry Springer, with "celebrity" judges David Hasselhoff, Piers Morgan and Sharon Osbourne; Salt Lake City's own Slippery Kittens Burlesque in the first episode—you probably won't see them on KSL News, though.

Flipping Out (Bravo) Season Premiere: The OCD house-flipper is back! Sorry, houses!

Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood (Oxygen) Season Premiere: Tori Spelling and husband Dean McDermott are checking out of their bed & breakfast and moving back to Hollywood! Sorry, Hollywood!

Wednesday 6.18
Ghost Hunters (Sci-Fi) Season Finale: This week, they’ll not find a ghost in a Delaware Civil War fort.

Black Gold (TruTV) Series Debut: The new reality series from the producers of Ice Road Truckers and … man, I hate these fuckers … TruTV, but no sign of “guest star” Rooster McConaughey, brother of Matthew. Like Truckers, The Deadliest Catch, Septic Tank Rangers, et al, it’s just on the cameras and wait/hope for dismemberment; Black Gold just brings waaay to much “Danger’s a-Lurkin’” narration to the table. Or so it seems, until these West Texas oil-rig workers actually speak: They all sound like Boomhauer from King of the Hill—but at least there are subtitles.

Thursday 6.19
Penn & Teller: Bullshit (Showtime) Season Premiere: Who knew there would still be enough bullshit to go around? In the Season 6 opener, Penn & Teller take on The War on Porn, that seemingly endless battle being waged by groups of Morally Outraged Pinheads who want to regulate your TV, your Internet and whatever you’re carrying in your pants.

Friday 6.20
35th Annual Daytime Emmy Awards (ABC) Regis Philbin receives the Lifetime Achievement Award for still being alive-ish; Cameron Mathison and Sherri Shepherd host. If you're up during the day, maybe you'll know who they are.

Saturday 6.21
The Ultimate Fighter (Spike) Season Finale: Team Rampage vs. Team Forrest. My money's on Rampage—Forrest doesn't sound very intimidating.

Sunday 6.22
The Two Coreys (A&E) Season Premiere: I thought this was about the buddy misadventures of Canadian singing sensation Corey Hart and Milwaukee Brewers right fielder Corey Hart! Now that’s a reality show! Note to self: Check copyright on Hart 2 Hart …

The Guy Awards (Spike) Dubious Awards Show: I’ve become quite invested in this “Who’s hotter: Eva Longoria or Eva Mendes?” argument in the commercials for Spike’s second annual Guys Choice awards. Naturally, anyone with half a brain and at least two man-nuggets knows the only correct answer is Eva Mendes, but we’ve all been dumbfounded by the American voting public before, haven’t we? And how can you truly trust an awards show whose sole nominees for “Ballsiest Band” are the Foo Fighters and … Linkin Park?

Radio From Hell SumCap 6.9.08

2008-06-09T00:00:00.001-06:00

The summary/recap of this morning's Radio From Hell TV report on X96:

Tonight 6.9
Nashville Star (NBC) Season Premiere: Miley Cyrus' dad hosts; Murray's Charlie Jenkins is a contestant. It's American Country-Music Idol, but even worse than that sounds.

Roman Polanski: Wanted & Desired (HBO) Filmmaker Marina Zenovich examines the statutory rape case involving director Roman Polanski--more summer fun from HBO!

Tuesday 6.10
Oxygen 25-iest: Power Couples (Oxygen) Debut: We've now reached the limit on shows with people you may have heard of spewing snarky pop-cultural references in lists.

Work Out (Bravo) Season Finale: Probably more drama than working out. Just a guess.

Wednesday 6.11
Celebrity Circus (NBC) Antonio Sabato Jr., Blu Cantrell, Christopher Knight, Janet Evans, Jason "Wee Man" Acuna, Rachel Hunter and Stacey Dash attempt death-defying stunts in a head-to-head competition in front of a live studio audience; hosted by former N'Syncer Joey Fat One.

Men In Trees (ABC) Series Finale: Say buh-bye to Anne Heche forever.

Top Chef (Bravo) Season Finale: There can be only one!

Thursday 6.12
The Bill Engvall Show, My Boys (TBS) Season Premieres: TBS unearthed the Sitcom Generator 1000, entered “husband, wife, three kids, wacky neighbor,” got back this formless lump of a show and cast anyone wandering near the production lot. My Boys cruises on the charm of star Jordana Spiroand sporadic flashes of Comedy Gold (usually via co-star Jim Gaffigan).

Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List (Bravo) Season Premiere: Immediately following Bravo’s A-List Awards (perhaps you’ve caught some of the 386 hourly commercials for it across the NBC/Universal cable spectrum), it’s the fourth-season premiere of Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List! Just because I find her hysterical doesn’t make me gay … right?

Friday 6.13
Battlestar Galactica (Sci-Fi) Mid-Season Finale: The halfway point of the fourth and final season of Battlestar Galactica … take a moment, if you must … falls on Friday the 13th? That can’t be good. Even though this episode is titled “Revelations” (oh, you bastards), don’t expect The Biggies to be unveiled until the BSG homestretch run in 2009.

Saturday 6.14
Dana Carvey: Squatting Monkeys Tell No Tales (HBO) No, he’s not dead.

Sunday 6.15
The 62nd Annual Tony Awards (CBS) The ceremony honors excellence on Broadway; the casts of Rent and The Lion King are scheduled to perform; Whoopi Goldberg hosts. So, Hugh Jackman-free?

Swingtown? How About 'Stacheville?

2008-06-05T13:05:00.004-06:00

Tonight, CBS debuts Swingtown, a summer-dumped drama about '70s wife-swappers--you can read all about it in this week's True TV column.

The most interesting aspect of the series is, unfortunately, Grant Show's mustache; if My Name Is Earl ever returns on NBC, Thursday is going to be The Place for free rides, ladies.

For the dudes, here's CBS' lame idea of Viral Video promotion:

TruTV Makes First Contact With True TV

2008-05-30T17:10:00.003-06:00

TruTV (formerly Court TV) has finally made contact with True TV, as my Salt Lake City Weekly column has been titled, like, forever. It's a promo pack for Black Gold, which is either a new docu-series about oil rig workers or a weekly dissection of a middling Soul Asylum song. Chain of response to come ...

True TV 5.22.08: Life & Death

2008-05-21T16:08:00.004-06:00

The new True TV column for City Weekly is online and in print now, FYI. Remember that Life show on NBC? Yeah, me too.

Read it here.

Morning Wood With Fergie

2008-05-20T17:25:00.003-06:00

In case you weren't up this morning (in any sense), here's a taste of Fergie on NBC's Today Show, shaking her leather moneymaker through a cover of Heart's "Barracuda." Though impressive, the best part isn't her faux fellatio on the tubby guitarist, stripper gyrations, gymnastic cartwheels and even the Axl Rose snake-wiggle, but the horrified expressions on the kiddies' faces up front. Where's the Parent's Television Council?! What about The Children?!

What's Canceled, What's Not

2008-05-16T16:58:00.015-06:00

ABC: Canceled
Big Shots >
Carpoolers
Cashmere Mafia
Cavemen
Men in Trees
Miss/Guided
Notes From the Underbelly
October Road
Oprah’s Big Give
Women’s Murder Club

ABC: Returning Fall 2008/Midseason 2009
According to Jim
The Bachelor
Boston Legal
Brothers & Sisters
Dancing With the Stars
Desperate Housewives
Dirty Sexy Money
Eli Stone
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
Grey’s Anatomy
Lost
Private Practice
Pushing Daisies >
Samantha Who?
Scrubs (from NBC)
Supernanny
Ugly Betty
Wife Swap

CBS: Canceled
Cane
Jericho
Kid Nation
Moonlight >
Power of 10
Secret Talents of the Stars
Shark
Viva Laughlin
Welcome to the Captain

CBS: Returning Fall 2008/Midseason 2009
The Amazing Race
The Big Bang Theory
Cold Case
Criminal Minds
CSI
CSI: Miami
CSI: NY
Ghost Whisperer
How I Met Your Mother
NCIS
The New Adventures of Old Christine
Numb3rs
Rules of Engagement
Survivor
Two & a Half Men
The Unit
Without a Trace >

NBC: Canceled
1 vs. 100
Amnesia
Bionic Woman
Clash of the Choirs
Journeyman
Las Vegas >
My Dad is Better Than Your Dad
Phenomenon
Quarterlife
Scrubs (moving to ABC)
The Singing Bee

NBC: Returning Fall 2008/Midseason 2009
30 Rock
The Apprentice
The Biggest Loser
Chuck >
Deal or No Deal
Friday Night Lights
Heroes
Knight Rider
Law & Order
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
Life
Lipstick Jungle
Medium
My Name is Earl
The Office

Fox: Canceled
Back to You
Canterbury’s Law
K-Ville
Nashville
New Amsterdam
The Next Great American Band
The Return of Jezebel James >
Unhitched

Fox: Returning Fall 2008/Midseason 2009
24
American Dad
American Idol
America’s Most Wanted
Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?
Bones
Cops
Don’t Forget the Lyrics
Family Guy
Hell’s Kitchen
House
King of the Hill
Kitchen Nightmares
The Moment of Truth
Prison Break
The Simpsons
Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles >
‘Til Death

The CW: Canceled
Aliens in America
Beauty & the Geek
Crowned: Mother of All Pageants
CW Now
Girlfriends
Life is Wild
Online Nation
Pussycat Dolls: Girlicious >
WWE Smackdown (moving to MyNetworkTV)

The CW: Returning Fall 2008/Midseason 2009
America’s Next Top Model
Everybody Hates Chris
The Game
Gossip Girl
One Tree Hill
Reaper >
Smallville
Supernatural

Suicide Girls Shouldn't Act. Even on CSI

2008-01-02T22:17:00.000-07:00

Catch tonight's episode of CSI: NY? No? Since you have a life, you missed a howlingly clunky infomerical for the Suicide Girls, wherein a gaggle of real SGs (I recognized one of my faves, Zoli) were involved in a murder investigation and were called upon to "act" like themselves and deliver lines like "We're not Baywatch babes ... or the Pussycat Dolls" and assert the Suicide Girls' agenda of tattooed empowerment. I support 'em, but this was a painfully bad as a '70s CHiPs episode with roller-disco dandies extolling their lifestyle--and just as funny! Observe:

Happy Tru Year

2008-01-01T00:34:00.000-07:00

I finally regained access to the ol' True TV blog after two months (don't ask) just in time to watch Court TV click over to TruTV for 2008, thus swiping the name of the television column I've written for Salt Lake City Weekly for nearly 10 years. Happy fucking New Year to me and my nonexistent team of lawyers.

Should anyone still care about 2007, my picks for the best TV shows of the past year went online last week elsewhere--they were all on cable, because broadcast network TV is dead. Sure, some great shows premiered this fall on ABC, CBS, NBC, Fox and even The CW (Reaper ... how us dozen viewers miss ye), but the ongoing Writers Guild of America strike has pretty much killed even the promising few that were picked up for a full season. A few leftover new eps in January and the 2007-08 season is more or less over. Unless you count reality shows, which no one with an ounce of taste or brains should. Not being elitist--have you seen the shit that's coming?

Anyway, here's hoping the blog of the original True TV gets back on a regular posting schedule for 2008 ... oh, that's on me. Stay tuned ...

And Now a Halloween Treat ...

2007-10-31T18:02:00.000-06:00

... From master of horror Garth Marenghi. Please to enjoy ... Dark Place!

Samatha WTF?

2007-10-30T17:10:00.000-06:00

ABC announced today that they're giving some show called Samantha Who? a full-season pick-up. From what I gather, it's on Monday nights, stars Christina Applegate, and lots of people apparently watch it because it's between Dancing With the Stars and The Bachelor and their brains are too numbed by geriatric hoofers and nubile skanks to switch the channel. Hey, it's a mandate. Further inspection reveals that Samantha Who? is about a woman who gets run down by a car, falls into brief coma, then awakens with no prior knowledge of what a raging bitch she was before nor of being attached to that What About Brian? (another great ABC series with a name and a question) guy. Wackiness and cute outfits ensue. This gets higher ratings than NBC's Heroes, not to mention CBS' cavalcade of filthy "family" sitcoms. Coma sounds good right about now ...

What True TV's watching tonight:

Bones (Fox) A Halloween episode and an excuse to get Brennan into a sexy costume. Score!

Reaper (The CW) The Devil gives Sam an extra-hard gig for Halloween: Tracking down CW viewers.

Nip/Tuck (FX) Christian and Sean walk all the way from Miami to Hollywood in the season premiere. I'm guessing that's the whole hour, since FX didn't send me a preview.

Rebrand This

2007-10-29T21:03:00.000-06:00

What's up with the damn blog? Sorry, been busy with my ongoing battle against Court TV's insistance on changing their name to TruTV--as we all know, I've had the name True TV for years and this whole thing is just pissing me off. The official change doesn't happen until January 2008, but the "rebranding" campaign begins next month. Since Warner Bros. budget is slightly larger than mine, I may lose this one; score another round for Corporate America. So ... how do I get in on that?

Anyway, on tonight's annoyingly Veronica Mars-free Heroes, Sylar (who has apparently joined the Jack Donaghy "Talking Like This" contest) and the Wonder Twins of Death crossed the border from Mexico to 'Merica, only to be confronted by the redneck, uh, "Citizen's" border patrol--Minutemen, but with seemingly better hygiene. Girl Twin turned on her Black Eyes Killin' power and took 'em all out, then the trio drove off and left 'em for dead.

How many whackjob militia sites are going to be lit up with this tonight? Or at least tomorrow on the shortwave radio? Another imaginary attack on our freedoms!

Oh, and this morning's (and past morning's) X96 Radio From Hell TV report is now available in podcast form. I know; I'm as shocked as anyone.

Geek Impact

2007-10-08T17:47:00.000-06:00

That whole Chuck vs. Reaper argument? Hack TV critics may not have their "revenge of the nerds" go-to for much longer: Nobody's watching Reaper. I mean nobody. Veronica Mars had three times more viewers in the same CW timeslot last year, and we all know what happened to her.

And as a side note: How is it that Kristen Bell (Veronica) wound up on Heroes this season, but Jason Dohring (Logan) got screwed with a role on CBS' craptacular (but still more watched than Reaper) Moonlight? Now Ghost Whisperer is suddenly high Friday-night art ... sorry, Logan.

Back to Chuck and Reaper: The only similarities are that the shows' leads work in big-box stores and happen to be as good-lookin' as TV stars. That's it. Chuck is an action series with hints of humor. Reaper is a comedy with several toes in sci-fi. When the action slows down on Chuck, the funny ain't there to carry it. Reaper rarely falls flat, no matter what mode it's in. If it were on a real network—say, as a lead-in to Heroes—Reaper would be a Fall Smash. As it is, it's just barely beating out Life is Wild (debuted to exactly 35 viewers last night) and your webcam.

So watch Chuck tonight (and then the multiple reruns on NBC properties Bravo, USA, Sci-Fi, CNBC, MSNBC, Telemundo, etc.), and watch Reaper REALLY HARD tomorrow night. Who knows, could help ...

All About Hugh

2007-10-04T21:28:00.000-06:00

Daddy, what was Cop Rock? So Pushing Daisies might not be the hardest sell of the new season: CBS’ new musical casino drama (yeah, that’s right) Viva Laughlin doesn’t debut for two weeks, but this one-minute YouTube clip of Hugh Jackman singing “Sympathy for the Devil” (also right) surrounded by slot machines and showgirls should keep you laughing for at least that long ...

Bonaduce Breaking

2007-10-03T16:20:00.000-06:00

So last night at the Fox Reality Channel Really Awards (one bomb, hundreds of reality-TV douchebags taken care of, just sayin'), hulking freckle Danny Bonaduce pulled a WWE-worthy move and tossed Survivor assclown Jonny Fairplay face-first to the floor, sending him to the hospital sans teeth and blood. Finally, Bonaduce has contributed something to society, although Kanye West felt slighted for not receiving a Piledriver.

What The Only TV Column That Matters™ is watching tonight:

Pushing Daisies (ABC): Debut of the fanciful new series from the folks behind Wonderfalls and Dead Like Me ... so it's probably already been canceled.

The Bionic Woman (NBC): Jaime learns to use her new powers, while everyone else wonders why the guv'ment didn't give her a personality upgrade.

Dirty Sexy Money (ABC): Tranny trouble is a-brewin'!

South Park, The Sarah Silverman Program (Comedy Central): Cartman has Tourettes; Sarah joins an anti-abortion group. Let's all go to Hell, shall we?

Slick Willie 24-7

2007-10-02T16:21:00.000-06:00

Former president/future first lady Bill Clinton on Sunday's Meet the Press:

"If you're the Jack Bauer person, you'll do whatever you do and you should be prepared to take the consequences ... When Bauer goes out there on his own and is prepared to live with the consequences, it always seems to work better."

Yeah ... to quote Dwight Shrute: "My ideal choice? Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable. Fictional. And overqualified."

What The Only TV Column That Matters™ is watching tonight:

Bones (Fox): A soccer mom gets blow'd up in her minivan; Jack Bauer not suspected.

Reaper (The CW): Sam and Sock capture more souls escaped from Hell, including the fuckers responsible for Cavemen and Carpoolers.

Eureka (Sci-Fi): In the season finale, Carter and Stark work together to get into Allison's pants, er, save her son from a mysterious virus. Then, the pants thing.