Monday, April 16, 2007

Skanks Ahoy!

The Henry Rollins Show Fridays (IFC) New Season: How did The Only TV Column That Matter™ miss the season premiere of The Henry Rollins Show last week? With guests Marilyn Manson and Peaches? That’s a show! All we get in this week’s installment are Ben Stiller (zzz) and Ryan Adams (had a bath yet, Ry?). Still, for all of its rough edges (Rollins is as good an interviewer as he is a ballad crooner) and hit-and-miss couch fillers (which have ranged from Werner Herzog and Oliver Stone to … Adam Carrolla?), HRS always delivers on the musical-guest side, and Rollins’ uncensored rants are the sharpest and funniest on television. But how about some more Heidi May, Hank?

Acceptable TV Fridays (VH1) Dan Harmon and Rob Schrab created the infamously rejected Heat Vision & Jack for Fox in the ‘90s, then went underground with and now Since Heat Vision & Jack was funny, and absolutely none of the short films shown so far on Acceptable TV (either created within the show or by wannabe YouTube “stars”) have proven these guys have enough talent to even sell camcorders at Circuit City, it must have been a fluke. Or Jack Black. Just sayin.’

TV Land Awards 2007 Sunday 4.22 (TV Land) So, TV Land has been handing out awards to decades-dead shows since 2003 … are you fucking serious? Were Gilligan’s Island and Star Trek really lacking in historical cachet? Once The Brady Bunch is anointed, then what? But, the most frustrating TV Land trophy is the Future Classic Award, which has previously gone to American Dreams (forgotten five minutes after NBC canceled it), Arrested Development (maybe this is worthwhile), Desperate Housewives (just not this season) and Grey’s Anatomy (OK, never mind on the whole “worthwhile” thing). This year’s Future Classic? It’s gotta be …

Heroes Monday 4.23 (NBC) Return: After a Saturday, April 21 catch-up mini-marathon (it’s only been off for six weeks; quit asking me if it’s been canceled), Heroes finally returns so TV critics will have something to piss themselves over now that Friday Night Lights—aka American Dreams 2.0—is gone. Heroes has maintained a brisk pace in story development thus far, and this comeback episode packs in more than five Losts; the biggest WTF? moment arriving for time-traveler Hiro (no, he’s not teleported back into Scrubs). And yes, a Hero dies, at least as much as anyone really “dies” in comic-book/soap-opera world. It’s a vicious one-question-answered-three-more-posed cycle; keep the whining down or NBC will cut back on pricey programming with actual stories and give you more crap like …

The Real Wedding Crashers Monday 4.23 (NBC) Series Debut: As if Thank God You’re Here weren’t punishment enough, here’s another reality-pranker: Improv performers infiltrate actual weddings as guests and/or staff, calamity ensues—and the bride and groom are in on the gag! Aww, ain’t that cute? Who needs Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip? Apparently, since NBC is experiencing its lowest-rated season in history right now, even something that looks like a Bravo reject can make it on the air. Can’t wait for Celebrity Ro-Sham-Bo.

The Search for the Next Pussycat Doll Tuesday 4.24 (The CW) Season Finale: Smell that? It’s the sweet aroma of female empowerment. Or an un-disinfected stripper pole. Or the Next Pussycat Doll! You’ve heard the jokes: Why do they need another Pussycat who can’t sing? They already have at least five. How many skanks does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three to give directions and one to call the OB/GYN. Laugh it up; one lucky girl will join the Pussycat Dolls just in time for their tour of the finest state fairs in the country—what are you doing this summer, Mark McGrath?

Highlander: Best of the Best
There can be only one? Not when it comes to Highlander DVD sets—but this 15-episode collection is tighter than Adrian Paul’s ponytail.

Mork & Mindy: Season 2 The year when Mork became a newspaper columnist, a Denver Broncos cheerleader and a priest. Aliens takin’ our jobs!

National Lampoon’s Pucked A down-and-out lawyer (Jon Bon Jovi!) buys an all-women’s hockey league with fraudulent credit cards he swiped from Tico Torres.

Not Just the Best of The Larry Sanders Show As close as you’ll ever get to owning the entire series on DVD, with 23 episodes and 8 hours of extras. No bitching, no flipping.

Smokin’ Aces The Jeremy Piven star-making vehicle that wasn’t is still a slick slice of Tarantino trash, heavy on guns, blood and naked ‘hos. Nice.

The Venture Bros: Season 2 One of the few series on Adult Swim that actually makes sense, The Venture Bros. is still plenty bizarre, and Season 2 is a must.

More New DVD Releases (April 17) Happy Days: Season 2, Last King of Scotland, Laverne & Shirley: Season 2, Murder She Wrote: Season 6, Notes on a Scandal, Spider-Man 2.1

Reh Dogg, “Why Must I Cry?”
Not only is he one of the worst rappers ever, he’s prolific! Of all of Reh Dogg’s hysterically bad no-budget videos (almost all taking place in the woods, for some reason), his “Why Must I Cry?” could bring 50 Cent to his knees.


Werner Herzog said...

I find it interesting that directly below Henry Rollins show is a review for "Acceptable TV," as though there were a line of demarcation running between the two. Having been on Rollins show, I can assure you that it is completely unacceptable, but that is why one MUST watch it!

Anonymous said...

grеat put up, very informative. I pondeг why
the opposite sρecialists of this sectοr don't understand this. You should proceed your writing. I am sure, you have a great readers' base alгeady!
Here is my web page ... Loans for Bad Credit

Anonymous said...

Hi to evеry οne, the contents presеnt at this web sіte are in fact аwesοme
for pеople knoωlеԁge, well, keep up
the nice work fеllows.

Havе а look at my weblog :: Eternity rings

Anonymous said...

Awesome ѕіte you hаvе here
but I wаs ωondering if you kneω of any
disсussiοn boards thаt covеr the sаmе
topіcs diѕcussed herе? I'd really like to be a part of group where I can get feed-back from other experienced people that share the same interest. If you have any suggestions, please let me know. Appreciate it!

Here is my site; keyword
My web page :: keyword

Anonymous said...

Thanκs for the ausрicious writeuр. It actuаllу was once a
entertainment account it. Looκ complіcated to more added agreeable from you!
However, how could we kеep in touch?

Нeгe is my sitе quick cash

Anonymous said...

I neеded to thank yοu for this good read!! I certainly
loνed eѵery bit of it. Ӏ havе you bookmarked to
looκ at new stuff you post…

Hеre is my blog ρost: losing weight
My page > losing weight

Anonymous said...

I'm amazed, I have to admit. Seldom do I come across a blog that's both eԁucative and еntertаining, and without a doubt, you have hit the nail on thе head.
The problem iѕ something whiсh not enough folks are speaκing intellіgently about.

I am very haρpy that I found thiѕ in my hunt for somеthing conсernіng this.

Also visit my ωeb page :: payday loans uk
My webpage: payday loans uk

Anonymous said...

It's in point of fact a nice and helpful piece of info. I'm glad that
уou shared this helpful info with us. Рlease keep us uр
to datе like this. Τhanks for sharing.

mу web blog - weight loss

Anonymous said...

ӏt is really a great and helpful piecе of
іnformаtion. I am happу that you shared this
helpful infοrmatіon with uѕ.
Please ѕtay us informed likе thiѕ.
Thank уou for sharing.

my blog :: payday loans online

Anonymous said...

Cool blоg! Is your theme сuѕtom mаde
οr did you download it from somеwhere?

A dеsign liκe yourѕ with a few ѕimple
tweеks woulԁ reаlly maκe my blog stаnd out.
Please let mе know whегe you got your theme.
Mаny thanks

Feеl free to surf tο my blog post: best payday loans

Anonymous said...

I've been browsing online more than 2 hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours. It is pretty worth enough for me. In my opinion, if all site owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the net will be a lot more useful than ever before.

Feel free to surf to my blog :: payday loans

Anonymous said...

Νo matteг if some one ѕearches fοr his vіtal thing,
so he/she neeԁѕ to be аѵailable that in detаil, so thаt thing iѕ maintaіned οver here.

Also visit my web-site ... payday loans

Anonymous said...

Hi i am kavin, its my first occasion to commenting anywhere,
when i read this article i thought i could
also make comment due to this sensible post.

My website; Victorinox watches for women

Blogger said...

I have just downloaded iStripper, so I can watch the best virtual strippers on my taskbar.