TV Tonight: Revenge, Modern Family, Psych

What’s new tonight:
Revenge (ABC) At the rate wronged Emily/Amanda (Emily VanCamp) is burning through those who once fucked her over, does Revenge have a 13-22 episode lifespan? Blondie is gettin’ business done. Stands to reason Victoria (Madeline Stowe) will be saved for last; tonight, E/A goes after the therapist who institutionalized her as a child—because, obviously, that did no good.

Modern Family (ABC) An hour before that, Claire (Julie Bowen) decides to run for city council … So, who thinks this is a terrible, terrible idea? OK, that’s everybody. At the very least, maybe this foray into public politics will prompt Claire to finally buy a bra that can effectively control the girls. I’m just sayin’: A sitcom with Family in the title shouldn’t contain this much RT every week.

Psych (USA) Season Premiere: Tell your mom and her cats that the mean streets of Santa Barbara are safe once again: Shawn and Gus are back on the job! Or whatever it is they call it. Fun Fact: Tonight’s Psych murder case involves TV’s 6,000th Star Wars reference. This month.

Also new tonight:
The Middle, Suburgatory, Happy Endings (ABC); Survivor: South Pacific, Criminal Minds, CSI (CBS); The X Factor (Fox); Up All Night, Harry’s Law, Law & Order: SVU (NBC); America’s Next Top Model (The CW); Ghost Hunters, Paranormal Witness (Syfy); The Ultimate Fighter, Blue Mountain State (Spike); Luther (BBC America); South Park, Nick Swardson’s Pretend Time (Comedy Central); Top Chef: Just Desserts (Bravo); (TLC); The Real World (MTV); Penn & Teller Tell a Lie (Discovery); American Horror Story (FX)

Is that Malcolm McDowell on tonight’s Psych? Yes, it is …

TV Tonight: Criminal Minds, X Factor, Revenge, CSI, SVU

What’s new tonight:
Criminal Minds (CBS) Season Premiere: The band is back together! Not that it’s all good times at the BAU: JJ (AJ Cook) has returned legit, but agent Prentiss (Paget Brewster) played dead and disappeared to protect the team at the end of last season—now she’s back and has some ‘splainin’ to do. Dra-ma! At least being dead gave Prentiss some time to grow out those bangs …

The X Factor (Fox) Series Debut: Simon Cowell, Gordon Ramsay, Dr. House—if Fox has taught us anything, it’s that we really, really like cranky old British guys with questionable haircuts telling us when we suck. Cowell returns to do just that, with Classic Crazy (Paula Abdul), New Crazy (Nicole Scherzinger) and Randy Lite (LA Reid) alongside him at the judges’ table. Related: I’ve heard that I’ll be on Fox 13’s Good Day Utah Friday morning around 8 to help make sense of the new singin’ show.

Revenge (ABC) Series Debut: It’s The Count of Monte Cristo meets Gossip Girl, or something. Anyway, Emily VanCamp is out to avenge her family in the Hamptons, and Madeline Stowe looks fantastic.

CSI (CBS) Season Premiere: Ted Danson joins the cast as the new boss! Other than that, same show.

Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (NBC) Season Premiere: Christopher Meloni is out! Other than that, same show.

Also new tonight:
The Middle, Modern Family (season premieres, ABC); Harry’s Law (season premiere, NBC); Up All Night, Free Agents (NBC); Survivor: South Pacific (CBS); H8R, America’s Next Top Model (The CW); Ghost Hunters, Paranormal Witness (Syfy); I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant, Toddlers & Tiaras (TLC); The Ultimate Fighter, Blue Mountain State (Spike); The Hour (BBC America); Top Chef: Just Desserts (Bravo)

Season 7 premiere: Tense times at Criminal Minds high …