TV Weekend: Nikita, Free Agents, Breaking Bad

What’s new this weekend:
Nikita (The CW, tonight) Is Nikita making any sense yet? Of course not—but shit’s blowin’ up and everybody looks cool, so just roll with it. Tonight, Nikita (Maggie Q) learns that an agent she captured for Division years ago has been committing heavy political assassinations for Division. Oh, snap. Yet more revenge rage, inexplicably effective disguises and guest star Rekha Sharma (Battlestar Galactica—Tory!) ensue.

Also new tonight:
A Gifted Man, CSI:NY, Blue Bloods (CBS); Kitchen Nightmares, Fringe (Fox); Supernatual (The CW); Star Wars: The Clone Wars (Cartoon Network); Strike Back (Cinemax); Sanctuary (Syfy); Real Time With Bill Maher (HBO); The Soup (E!)

Free Agents (BBC America, Saturday) U.S. Debut: Now that the ‘Merican version has been canceled by NBC, check out how Free Agents was supposed to be done—with Buffy’s Anthony Stewart Head in the lead instead of on the sidelines. Much better.

Also new Saturday:
Saturday Night Live: Ben Stiller & Foster the People (NBC/CW30); Terror Beneath (Syfy); Bad Dog! (Animal Planet)

Breaking Bad (AMC, Sunday) Season Finale: Read all about it at CityWeekly.net (Item 2), and come to Brewvies (677 South 200 West, 21+) at 8 p.m. to watch it all go down on the big screen.

The Good Wife (CBS) Clash of the MILFs Alert: Lisa Edelstein (House) guests as Will’s ex-wife, which probably won’t sit well with new gal Alicia (Julianna Margulies). Am I just mentally manufacturing a catfight? Maybe …

Six Days to Air: The Making of South Park (Comedy Central) Special: How do Trey Parker and Matt Stone slap together a South Park episode? Find out in this documentary—that’s right, it takes six whole days.

Also new Sunday:
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, Desperate Housewives, Pan Am (ABC); The Amazing Race, CSI: Miami (CBS); Sister Wives (TLC); Kendra, Dirty Soap (E!); Squidbillies (Adult Swim); Boardwalk Empire, Hung, How to Make It in America (HBO); Dexter, Homeland (Showtime)

How’s Breaking Bad going to end this season? Kinda like this:

TV Tonight: Up All Night, Free Agents, Survivor, ANTM

What’s new tonight:
Up All Night, Free Agents (NBC) Series Debuts: How can you go wrong with a comedy (Up All Night) starring Will Arnett, Christina Applegate and Maya Rudolph, produced by the brains behind 30 Rock? Base it around a needy baby. Likewise, how can you miss with a comedy (Free Agents) starring Hank Azaria, Katherine Hahn and Natasha Leggero? Base it around needy PR reps. Both of these new (mercifully laugh-track-free) sitcoms should be waaay funnier than their pilots indicate, and Azaria’s freakishly hairless torso shouldn’t be seen at all—these could be resolved by the next episode, so proceed with caution.

Survivor: South Pacific (CBS) Season Premiere: Is it a musical? No, just the usual bungles in the jungle, now with the added Redemption Island element. Assclown “Coach” returns, as does heartthrob Ozzy—and there’s even a couple of Utahns in the mix. Awww ...

H8R (The CW) Series Debut: Worthless reality trash like Snooki and Kim Kardashian get to confront their most vocal H8Rs (haters—get it?) and ask, “Yo, why you calling me worthless reality trash?” Will the nadirs and the H8Rs hug it out, or slug it out? Exactly: meh. Sadly, I’m sure this will be canceled long before they get to the Episode 8 shouting match I taped with the Cake Boss. Hate that guy …

America’s Next Top Model (The CW) Season Premiere: It’s the all-star losers edition, with past contestants looking to smize their way back into America’s hearts, pants, etc.—even last season’s whiny-ass Alexandria. Also appearing in the ANTM season premiere is Nicki Minaj … shouldn’t she be on H8R?

Hulk Hogan’s MCW (TruTV) Series Debut: The Hulkster launches his Micro Championship Wrestling league (the rasslers are tiny, not the league), and the reality cameras just happen to be rolling.

Also new tonight:
Big Brother (season finale, CBS); America’s Got Talent (season finale, NBC); Buried Treasure (season finale, Fox); Damages (season finale, DirecTV); Necessary Roughness (season finale, USA); I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant, Toddlers & Tiaras (TLC); Ghost Hunters, Paranormal Witness (Syfy); Ton of Cash (VH1); Storage Wars (A&E); Top Chef: Just Desserts (Bravo)

Ack! It’s Hank Azaria’s freakishly hairless torso in Free Agents!