Friday, November 04, 2011

TV Weekend: Fringe, SNL, Hell on Wheels, Heart She Holler

What’s new this weekend:
Fringe (Fox, tonight) Not only is Fringe finally back after way too many baseball interruptions, but The Artist Formerly Known as Peter (Joshua Jackson) returns, too! Unfortunately, so do those translucent shapeshifters, fringe science’s answer to hairless cats (blech). Fringe is still the only real sci-fi show on the network TV, and possibly the smartest ever created—so let’s see how far the ratings will drop this week.

Grimm (NBC, tonight) Week 2: It premiered well last Friday (even against the World Series), but now Law & Order: Special Grimm Unit faces the aforementioned Fringe, as well as The CW’s Supernatural. This week’s secret weapon? Thievin’ bears. Yes, really.

Also new tonight:
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (ABC); A Gifted Man, CSI:NY, Blue Bloods (CBS); Chuck (NBC); Kitchen Nightmares (Fox); Nikita, Supernatural (The CW); Star Wars: The Clone Wars (Cartoon Network); Sanctuary (Syfy); Real Time With Bill Maher (HBO); The Soup (E!)

Saturday Night Live (NBC/CW30, Saturday) The good news: It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia’s Charlie Day hosts SNL! The bad news: The musical guests are limp-dick AOR “rockers” Maroon 5. Can’t have everything.

Also new Saturday:
Cops (Fox); Blue Mountain State (Spike); True Life: I’m Occupying Wall Street (MTV); Pablo Francisco: They Put it Out There (Comedy Central); Wendy Lieberman: Taller on TV (Showtime)

Dexter (Showtime, Sunday) Will Brother Sam (Mos Def, or whatever he’s calling himself this week) survive being gunned down at the end of last Sunday’s ep? Yeah, probably—the only real question here is, how swift will Dexter’s (Michael C. Hall) vengeance be? And should he really be taking on new pals? We’ve seen before what happens when Dex makes friends, and it never ends well. Oh, and there’s some Deb/Quinn drama … what-ever.

The Walking Dead (AMC, Sunday) Come watch it at Brewvies (677 South 200 West, 21+) for free at 8 pm; zombies are better 10-feet-tall in HD with a beer and nachos.

Hell on Wheels (AMC, Sunday) Series Debut: Read about it at (Item 1).

The Heart, She Holler (Adult Swim, Sunday) Miniseries Debut: Read about it at (Item 4).

Also new Sunday:
Once Upon a Time, Desperate Housewives, Pan Am (ABC); The Amazing Race, The Good Wife, CSI: Miami (CBS); The Simpsons, Allen Gregory, Family Guy, American Dad (Fox); Sister Wives (TLC); Kendra, Dirty Soap (E!); Robot Chicken, Squidbillies, China Il. (Adult Swim); The Real Housewives of Atlanta (Bravo); Boardwalk Empire, Hung, How to Make It in America (HBO); Homeland (Showtime); Talking Dead (AMC)

Thursday, November 03, 2011

TV Tonight: Parks & Rec, Late Night, Bones, Burn Notice

What’s new tonight:
Parks & Recreation (NBC) A nutjob Pawnee religious group says it’s The End of the World, so of course the Parks & Rec gang takes them seriously—hey, it’s Indiana. Reactions: April helps Andy with his bucket list, Tom throws a big-ass party (by Entertainment 720, natch), and Ron most likely holes up in a bunker to ride it out and come out the other side as The Omega Man (Wiki it, kids). I’d so watch that show.

Late Night With Jimmy Fallon (NBC) Tonight, Jimmy welcomes actress Kirsten Dunst, Talking Dead host Chris Hardwick and musical guests Air Supply. Note: The drummer of my so-called band, Spork, is also employed as the touring drummer for Air Supply—due to a suspicious illness that has befallen Late Night house band The Roots’ skinsman Questlove (comb infection?), CJ Spork (a.k.a. CJ Burton) will be backing Air Supply tonight on the TV box. If he doesn’t pass Dunst a Spork CD, he’s totally out of the band.

Bones (Fox) Season Premiere: Read all about it at (Item 2).

Burn Notice (USA) Fall Premiere: Read all about it at (Item 3).

Also new tonight:
Charlie’s Angels, Grey’s Anatomy, Private Practice (ABC); The Big Bang Theory, Rules of Engagement, Person of Interest, The Mentalist (CBS); Community, The Office, Whitney, Prime Suspect (NBC); The X Factor (Fox); The Vampire Diaries, The Secret Circle (The CW); Project Accessory (Lifetime); It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, The League (FX); Beavis & Butt-head, Good Vibes (MTV); Gigolos, Dave’s Old Porn (Showtime)

The End is nigh on Parks & Recreation … again …

Wednesday, November 02, 2011

TV Tonight: Top Chef Texas, Up All Night, American Horror Story

What’s new tonight:
Top Chef: Texas (Bravo) Season Premiere: Host Padma Lakshmi in Daisy Dukes eating BBQ ribs? Sold. There’s probably more to the latest edition of the Top Chef competition, set in “Texas” as a whole, not any one Lone Star State city, but the promos don’t really spell it out. Tonight’s season premiere kicks off in Austin, the most un-Texas town in the land; after that, redneckery galore!

Up All Night (NBC) Tonight, we meet Reagan’s (Christina Applegate) estranged parents, who happen to be Blythe Danner and Richard Schiff, and they’re uncomfortably affectionate—an odd combo with “estranged,” hence, comedy.

American Horror Story (FX) Halloween Pt. 2: FX’s highest-rated show, like, ever, is also just fucking stressful: How many horrible things can happen in one Halloween night? You’ll find out in the second half, as well as (finally) a little more backstory on creepy Tate and the real reason that Zachary Quinto came out of the closet right before his guest arc on the show (he plays a bitchy-gay ghost waaay too convincingly).

Also new tonight:
The Middle, Suburgatory, Modern Family, Happy Endings, Revenge (ABC); Survivor: South Pacific, Criminal Minds, CSI (CBS); Harry’s Law, Law & Order: SVU (NBC); The X Factor (Fox); America’s Next Top Model (The CW); Steve Jobs: One Last Thing (PBS); Ghost Hunters (Syfy); The Ultimate Fighter, Blue Mountain State (Spike); Law & Order: UK, Whitechapel (BBC America); South Park, Nick Swardson’s Pretend Time (Comedy Central); Work of Art (Bravo); The Real World (MTV); Penn & Teller Tell a Lie (Discovery)

This isn’t even half of the shit going down on American Horror Story tonight:

Tuesday, November 01, 2011

TV Tonight: Covert Affairs, New Girl, Ringer

What’s new tonight:
Covert Affairs (USA) Fall Premiere: When last we left CIA Annie (Piper Perabo), her sister (Anne Dudek) had finally figured out Annie’s secret job and kicked her ass out of the guest house—way to be a patriot, sis. Now, Annie’s looking for a new apartment and infiltrating a Basque separatist group that’s looking to blow shit up. Conveniently, her contact within the group is a hunky Spanish dude (cue “sexy time” music).

New Girl (Fox) Return: Fox’s biggest new fall hit is back after being forced off for a month due to baseball—think everybody still remembers and just loooves quirky Zooey Deschanel? Tonight, she laughs at her naked roommate, causing wackiness to ensue, and the New Black Guy brushes up all the pop culture he missed while in “Europe” (thus, more wackiness). Also, Childrens Hospital’s Lake Bell drops by—quirky/hot overload!

Ringer (The CW) Bridget (Sarah Michelle Gellar), as Siobhan (Sarah Michelle Gellar), reveals that she has a twin sister, Bridget (Sarah Michelle Gellar). Follow? And her BFF Gemma (not Sarah Michelle Gellar) is still missing and presumed dead. It’ll all make sense … eventually?

Sons of Anarchy (FX) Come watch it on the big screen tonight at Brewvies (677 South 200 West, 21+) at 8 pm, totally free. Fox Corp. and DirecTV have made nice, so the satellite plug won’t be pulled tonight and we won’t have to initiate Secret Plan B for the viewing. It was a solid plan, which may or may not have involved acting out SOA scenes with puppets.

Also new tonight:
Last Man Standing, Man Up, Dancing With the Stars, Body of Proof (ABC); NCIS, NCIS: Los Angeles, Unforgettable (CBS); The Biggest Loser, Parenthood (NBC); Glee, Raising Hope (Fox); 90210 (The CW); Tosh.0, Workaholics (Comedy Central); Mad Fashion (Bravo); Auction Hunters, Flip Men (Spike); True Life, I Used to Be Fat, Chelsea Settles (MTV); The Onion News Network (IFC)

Looks like it’s “sexy time” on Covert Affairs

Monday, October 31, 2011

TV Tonight: HIMYM, Ghost Hunters, Bad Girls Club, Rock Center

What’s new tonight:
How I Met Your Mother (CBS) Halloween Episode: Katie Holmes guests as the legen … wait for it … dary “Slutty Pumpkin” that Ted’s been whining about losing for six seasons now. Equally mind-blowing, Barney learns that he’s part … Canadian! They’re dragging out all the scary shit tonight, eh.

Ghost Hunters Live (Syfy) Six-Hour Special: Wait, did you hear that? It’s 360 minutes of not finding a fucking thing—and getting paid for it! Well played, spook scammers.

The Bad Girls Club (Oxygen) Season Finale: The seventh BGC season in New Orleans has been somewhat of a disappointment, with no real breakout “stars” or new twists on the usual Crazy Drunk Bitches = Fistfight formula. If there’s going to be a Season 8, Oxygen should include a fully-stocked gun case along with the fully-stocked bar in the next mansion. I can’t be the first to think of introducing firearms, can I?

Rock Center With Brian Williams (NBC) Series Debut: Now that the nightmare of The Playboy Club (and, locally, We Are Utah) is over, here’s NBC Nightly News’ Brian Williams with … more news? Lifestyle features? Handsome tips? Given the name of the show, a re-imagining of Don Kirshner’s Rock Concert? (Google—sorry—Bing it, kids.) Not really sure what Rock Center is supposed to be, other than yet another primetime newsmagazine whose only distinctions are Williams, his Ocean’s Eleven lineup of correspondents (including Harry Smith, Kate Snow, Ted Koppel, Meredith Vieira, Richard Engel, Dr. Nancy Snyderman, Matt Lauer, Natalie Morales and Ann Curry) and a Halloween-night debut (which would have been a better slot for Grimm, but NBC knows what they’re doing … right?).

Also new tonight:
Scared Shrekless, Dancing With the Stars, Castle (ABC); 2 Broke Girls, Two & a Half Men, Mike & Molly, Hawaii Five-0 (CBS); The Sing-Off (NBC); Terra Nova, House (Fox); Hoarders (A&E); Bachelorette Party: Las Vegas (Oxygen); The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (Bravo); Ridiculousness, Death Valley, Cuff’d (MTV), Bored to Death, Enlightened (HBO)

Katie Holmes’ pumpkin doesn’t look all that slutty on HIMYM