Winner & Losers

The Winner Sunday 3.4 (Fox) Series Debut: Rob Corddry (The Daily Show) is a 32-year-old video-store clerk who still lives with his parents and tells his 14-year-old pal (!) things like “I am not looking forward to doing your mom.” He’s also going get rich and win back his high-school sweetheart, or something—the story’s not important; the setup is. Unlike Fox’s recent attempts at multi-camera-with-audience sitcoms, The Winner is almost weird enough to work as well as actual funny Fox-coms from yesteryear (that would be the ‘90s, kids). The premiere episode is also loaded with enough sex jokes (including the mid-season’s second happy-ending Korean massage) to raise hackles at the ever-righteous Parents Television Council, which is more than enough reason to hang in for the show’s mere three-week run.

Dice Undisputed Sunday 3.4 (VH1) Series Debut: VH1’s work of rehabbing believed-dead celebrities is never done, hence a reality show based on Andrew Dice Clay, the comedian who’s been “banned for life” from MTV since 1989 (lucky him) and is supposedly unemployed and/or retired (not true—he’s still making bank in Las Vegas, but you can’t sell a “comeback” show with that). Now, Dice has book, an album and a Sirius radio show in the works, and no way in hell he can do it all without a camera crew and a colorful posse of morons dogging his every move. Thanks, Danny Bonaduce—thank you very fucking much.

The Class Monday 3.5 (CBS) Season Finale: No series has been screaming “I’ve changed! Really! Please love me now! Pleeeaaase!” louder than The Class, which began the season as a high-concept (OK, mid-concept) comedy about rarely-intersecting groups of characters, only to be hastily remodeled into Friends … with a few parts left over (where’d the news lady and her gay husband go?). Surprisingly, it’s still funny and holds together well—too bad more people are watching CBS’ craptastic Rules of Engagement. Don’t expect The Class to return, or hack TV critics to refrain from typing “Class dismissed!”

The Search for the Next Pussycat Doll Tuesday 3.6 (The CW) Series Debut: Technically, the title is The Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search for the Next Doll. Also, this is technically the absolute last thing The Only TV Column That Matters™ is going to say about The CW until the network kicks this skankfest to the curb and brings back Veronica Mars. Synchronize watches, and … go!

The Wedding Bells Wednesday 3.7 (Fox) Series Debut: The three Bell sisters inherit a wedding planning business after, how ironical, their parents divorce—no, it’s not a reality show, but there are still Bridezillas galore. Remember ABC’s wedding-happy Big Day? No? It was only a month ago! Anyway, The Wedding Bells is more of the same romantic-comedy fluff, with a dash of that Fox “edge” and the bonus cred of an actual Movie Star (Meet the Parents/Fockers’ Teri Polo) in the cast and one-time power producer David E. Kelley’s name in the credits. After tonight, it’s also moving to Fridays, where no one will ever see it again.

South Park Wednesday 3.7 (Comedy Central) Season Premiere: The new 11th (!) season is going to have to be damned good to top the 10th, which gave us the death of Chef, Al Gore’s ManBearPig, Satan’s ultimate Halloween party, the war on Family Guy, the real 9/11 culprits and the Detroit Red Wings beating the hell out of Stan’s pee-wee hockey league, among other tragedies. With everything that happened in February pop culture alone, should be easy …

DVD
Killer Drag Queens on Dope C’mon, do you even need to know what it’s about? OK, fine: Ginger (Alexis Arquette) and Coco (Omar Alexis) are hit-men who dress like women and do lots of drugs. Want more? Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs (Welcome Back Kotter) as “Mr. Fly,” and roller-derby action. KillerDragQueensOnDope.com

The Return Sarah Michelle Gellar in another moody, confusing horror flick—but Buffy’s not blonde this time, which totally changes it up. Visions of a murdered woman (herself? Spooky!) point SMG to Texas for answers, but all she finds is more bad lighting and whispering kids. Boo! NBCUniversalStore.com

Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny The reason it bombed at the box office: Sneaking a bong into the megaplex is problematic. For the rest of us who know Tenacious D (Jack Black and Kyle Gass) is the greatest band in all of rock, The Pick of Destiny is simply a well-researched, irrefutable documentary. Suck that, Al Gore. NewLine.com

More New DVD Releases (Feb. 27) Conversations With God, Dog the Bounty Hunter: Season 3, Dreamland, Girlfriends: Season 1, A Good Year, Reno 911: Reno’s Most Wanted, The Rockford Files: Season 3, Stranger Than Fiction

BROADBAND
The Winner Why wait for Fox to premiere Rob Corddry’s slacker sitcom when you can watch the first four episodes online right now at FamilyGuy.com? (The series is executive-produced by Seth MacFarlane and created by his bud Ricky Blitt.) Or buy all six on iTunes? Hell, Fox is going so whole-hog “multi-platform” with The Winner, they’ve probably already posted the whole series on your MySpace page. Go ahead, check.

Sarah Is Magic

The Sarah Silverman Program Thursday 2.1 (Comedy Central) Series Debut: Loved her movie Jesus is Magic, but not the stand-up comedy bits? Something is seriously wrong with you, which is why The Sarah Silverman Program exists. Silverman plays herself in a loosely-scripted “sitcom” that breaks into musical numbers and animation-hallucinations on a dime, antagonizing her sister Laura (played by her sister, Laura Silverman), nerdy gay neighbors Brian and Steve (Brian Posehn and Steve Agee—probably not really gay) and Officer Jay (Jay Johnston—probably not really a cop) with her Wacky Sarah Antics. Silverman’s cute-girl-who-says-horrible-things shtick (“Today I learned that elderly black women are wise beyond their years … but that young black women are prostitutes”) may lose its punch as she becomes more famous (jagshemash, Borat), but her Program’s debut episode—wherein Sarah’s arrested for driving drunk on cough syrup—promises she has plenty of other tricks up her snotty sleeve … and they’re way more strange and scary. Best line of the ep: “And that’s how I got into crack—Latter-day Saints, my ass.”

Mad TV Saturday 2.3 (Fox) Mary Lynn Rajskub of 24 drops by and mistakes the Asian guy from Mad TV for the Asian guy from Heroes. Yes, it is a gross underutilization of her comedic talents, and furthers the ongoing “Who’s Geek-Sexier: 24’s Chloe or The Office’s Pam?” negotiations not one iota. Far be it from True TV to suggest a pressed-shirts-and-bare-knuckles brawl between the actresses on the later-night Talk Show With Spike Feresten to settle the score, but … who’s Spike Feresten? Come on, we’ve been over this before …

Super Bowl XLI Sunday 2.4 (CBS) Chicago Bears vs. Indianapolis Colts at Dolphin Stadium in Miami: Damn, that’s a lot of animal names … and thus ends my entire span of interest in the Super Bowl. What I really want to know is: Why is CBS plugging an episode of Criminal Minds in the coveted post-Bowl slot? The show’s already an inexplicably huge hit; it’s not like it needs the viewer-boost or anything—why not give the more ratings-deficient sitcoms How I Met Your Mother and/or The Class a shot? Surely, either could stand up against such stiff Super Bowl counter-programming as …

Puppy Bowl III Sunday 2.4 (Animal Planet) It’s still just a bunch of stupid hairballs nuzzling each other around on a miniature plastic football field, with a kitten halftime show and, a first this season, a tailgate party. Get it? Tail-gate? Wait, don’t eat that shotgun barrel just yet: Puppy Bowls I and II are now available on DVD! Why oh why do the terrorists hate us so?

Rules of Engagement Monday 2.5 (CBS) Series Debut: Because of lazy-ass sitcoms like this. Didn’t think anything could come along to make Fox’s ‘Til Death (which, by the way, is still on) look like revolutionary television, but Rules of Engagement … yeah, even the title’s phoning it in. All you need to know: Patrick Warburton and Megyn Price are the bitter married couple, Oliver Hudson and Bianca Kajlich are the starry-eyed engaged couple, David Spade is the blissfully single ‘n’ snarky poon-hound, and then nothing happens for a few weeks until The New Adventures of Old Christine comes back.

Lost Wednesday 2.7 (ABC) Return: Does Jack save or sacrifice Ben? Do Kate and Sawyer get away? What’s the deal with Juliet? Are any of these names ringing a bell? You know, since they’ve been off the air for three months and about 12 new Wednesday ABC dramas have come and gone—all of which answered more questions and tied up more plotlines in swift cancellation than Lost has in two-and-a-half seasons? All’s I’m saying is, kill Charlie. It’s time.

DVD
The Comedians of Comedy/Live at the El Rey Combo DVD of the 2005 tour movie The Comedians of Comedy (Patton Oswalt, Brian Posehn, Zach Galifianakis and Maria Bamford, mostly off-stage) and a show at L.A’s El Rey. If the term “alternative comedy” means anything to you, get this. AnchorBayEntertainment.com

The Festival Fake reality-doc comedy from the Independent Film Channel, about a nobody filmmaker desperately trying to screen his movie at the Sundance-ish Mountain United Film Festival (nice acronym). As a satire of such fests and Hollywood, genius; casual observers, best just move along. NewVideo.com

Flyboys The fighter pilots of World War I were all hunky male models? Every plane in the German fleet was painted like the Red Baron’s? Historical inaccuracies aside (never cross a WWI buff), Flyboys at least features some great aerial shots and action sequences—and no Nickelback. MGM.com

Lucky Louie Love it or hate it (there’s no middle ground), Louis C.K.’s Lucky Louie was like no other HBO series before it, capturing the drab-cheap look of bad ‘80s sitcoms and jolting the system with foul language and strictly adult content. Now if it had only been funny enough for a second season. HBO.com

More New DVD Releases (1.30) Catch a Fire, Dallas: Season 6, The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency: Season 1, Law & Order: SVU: Season 3, The Marine

BROADBAND
The Class CBS’ freshman sitcom has undergone mucho tinkering since its September debut (buh-bye, newscaster lady) and even scored a left-field People’s Choice Award—despite all this, it’s still funny. Now the network is posting video of The Class’ table reads and show rehearsals, of interest to those who prefer old-school theater interactivity to video-blog amateur hour.