Mad Men: New Season 5 Trailers

The last new episode of Mad Men aired in October 2010—2010! October! Season 5 premieres Sunday, March 25, and AMC has three new sorta-peeks at what’s coming.

In classic advertising fashion, the trailers are cryptically simple; they could be selling cars, booze or condoms (they used those in the ‘60s, right?). Also, no new footage—what the hell have they been doing all this time? Anyway, enjoy at least something new related to Mad Men, and join True TV at Brewvies (677 S. 200 West, 21+) on March 25 to watch it for real on the big screen.

TV Weekend: Nikita, SNL, Eastbound & Down, Life’s Too Short

What’s new this weekend:
Nikita (The CW, tonight) Tonight, Nikita (Maggie Q) finally learns how Division began—exactly how this pertains to just blowing the place up remains to be seen, but there’s sure to be plenty of smoldering glances, shocked expressions and leather catsuits. Meanwhile, Alex (Lyndsy Fonseca) crashes a press conference and reveals that she’s a not-dead Russian heiress and demands her junkie mommy back. Ditto, smoldering glances, shocked expressions and leather catsuits.



Also new tonight: 
Shark Tank (ABC); Undercover Boss, A Gifted Man, Blue Bloods (CBS); NAACP Image Awards (NBC); Kitchen Nightmares, Fringe (Fox); Supernatural (The CW); Merlin (Syfy); Portlandia (IFC); The Life & Times of Tim, Real Time With Bill Maher (HBO); Spartacus: Vengeance (Starz)

Saturday Night Live (NBC/CW30, Saturday) Maya Rudolph (Up All Night, SNL) hosts and may or may not whip out her Whitney Houston impersonation. Also, hipsters Sleigh Bells “perform” “live” and look adorable.



Also new Saturday: 
The Firm (NBC); Cops (Fox); Oddities, An Idiot Abroad (Science); Parking Wars, Billy the Exterminator (A&E); The Fades, Graham Norton Show (BBC America); 2012: Ice Age (Syfy)

Eastbound & Down (HBO, Sunday) Season Premiere: Read about it at CityWeekly.net (Item 1).

Life’s Too Short (HBO, Sunday) Series Debut: Read about it at CityWeekly.net (Item 2).

The Walking Dead (AMC) Join the big-screen throngs at Brewvies (677 S. 200 West, 21+), but show up early—seats go fast. People like free stuff, apparently.

Also new Sunday: 
Once Upon a Time, Desperate Housewives, Pan Am (ABC); The Amazing Race, The Good Wife, CSI: Miami (CBS); The Simpsons, The Cleveland Show, Napoleon Dynamite, Family Guy, American Dad (Fox); Downton Abbey (PBS/KUED 7); Comic Book Men, Talking Dead (AMC); Luck (HBO); Shameless, House of Lies, Californication (Showtime)

TV Tonight: Parks & Recreation – With Louis C.K.

What’s new tonight:
Parks & Recreation (NBC) Louis C.K. Alert: Remember Leslie’s (Amy Poehler) pre-Ben boyfriend from seasons past, Dave the cop (Louis C.K.)? Even though he’s now a big-shot comedian with his own critically-acclaimed cable series and download-able comedy concerts, he’s still made time to return to little ol’ Pawnee. Louis C.K., that is. Dave, he might hang around and become the police chief—if he skips that flight to Salt Lake City, that is. And really, who doesn’t skip that flight to Salt Lake City?

Also new tonight:
Wipeout, Grey’s Anatomy, Private Practice (ABC); The Big Bang Theory, Rob, Person of Interest, The Mentalist (CBS); 30 Rock, The Office, Up All Night, The Firm (NBC); American Idol, The Finder (Fox); The Vampire Diaries, The Secret Circle (The CW); Project Runway All-Stars (Lifetime); Jersey Shore, I Just Want My Pants Back (MTV); Archer, Unsupervised (FX), Delocated (Adult Swim)

TV Tonight: Survivor: One World

What’s new tonight:
Survivor: One World (CBS) Season Premiere: Returning for Season 75, Survivor is totally changing things up by putting both tribes in one camp and … that’s it? Oh, they’re also doing a whole women-vs.-men “Battle of the Sexes” thing, and Survivor is back on Samoa for the fourth time. Running out of ideas? How dare you even suggest such nonsense. Besides, just look how goddamned fascinating these swimsuit models (and token geezers) are:



Also new tonight: 
The Middle, Suburgatory, Modern Family, Happy Endings, Revenge (ABC); Criminal Minds, CSI (CBS); Whitney, Are You There Chelsea?, Rock Center With Brian Williams, Law & Order: SVU (NBC); American Idol (Fox); One Tree Hill, Remodeled (The CW); Ghost Hunters, Face Off (Syfy); Hot In Cleveland (TV Land); The Challenge (MTV); Top Chef: Texas (Bravo); Royal Pains (USA); The Soup (E!)

TV Tonight: Cougar Town, Ringer, Justified

What’s new tonight:
Cougar Town (ABC) Season Premiere: Finally! Ill-conceived/received ABC sitcoms like Man Up and Work It have come and died in the nine months since Cougar Town has been off the air, displaced by the equally funny Happy Endings on Wednesdays, but it’s back! Now if Courteney Cox & Co. can just overcome the Last Man Standing lead-in—Tim Allen has already killed twice; just because Cougar Town is a smart, well-written and sharply-cast comedy doesn’t guarantee he can’t take this one down, too.

Ringer (The CW) It’s Still On: In honor of Valentine’s Day, tonight’s episode of increasingly-ridiculous twins-terror soap opera Ringer is titled … “Whores Don’t Make That Much.” OK, I just might have to Tivo it …

Justified, American Horror Story (FX) … Because I’ll be at Brewvies (677 S. 200 West, 21+) watching Justified and American Horror Story with a big-ass beer and a plate of nachos—and you can, too! Justified starts at 8 pm, followed by an Encore Presentation of the first season of American Horror Story at 9. Bring a date; it’s perfect for Valentine’s Day (and free).

Also new tonight: 
Last Man Standing, The River, Body of Proof (ABC); NCIS, NCIS: Los Angeles, Unforgettable (CBS); The Biggest Loser, Parenthood (NBC); Glee, New Girl, Raising Hope (Fox); 90210 (The CW); 19 Kids & Counting (TLC); Teen Mom 2 (MTV); Switched at Birth, Jane by Design (ABC Family); Dance Moms (Lifetime); Ink Master (Spike); Tosh.0, Key & Peele (Comedy Central)

Cougar Town … it’s been too long …

TV Tonight: The River, Doomsday Preppers, Justified, AHS

What’s new tonight:
The River (ABC) Series Debut: A supernatural-tinged mystery series about being Lost in the wilderness? This is something entirely new for ABC. Beloved wildlife TV personality Emmet Cole (Bruce Greenwood) goes missing in the Amazon and is presumed deader than Steve Irwin—until his emergency beacon turns on six months later. When Emmet’s wife, son and a motley camera crew head into the rainforest to find him, bizarre incidents and gruesome deaths (documented shakily by said camera crew) ensue in Paranormal Activity-like fashion—coincidentally, The River was co-created by Paranormal Activity’s Oren Peli. The real selling point: It’s only eight episodes long.

Doomsday Preppers (NatGeo) Series Debut: Of the several dozen reality shows on former educational channels about toothless rednecks with shitty jobs currently piling up in the TV guide, Doomsday Preppers at least has a great title. It’s also perfectly self-explanatory: Rednecks are gearing up for the end of the world; here’s who you’ll be begging for rations when the apocalypse hits. Yeah, sorry.

Justified, American Horror Story (FX) Every Tuesday before the apocalypse, you can join me at Brewvies (677 South 200 West, 21+) at 8 pm for a beer and Justified on the big screen, followed by a Season 1 encore of American Horror Story at 9 (FX).

Also new tonight: 
Last Man Standing (ABC); NCIS, NCIS: Los Angeles, Unforgettable (CBS); The Biggest Loser, Parenthood (NBC); Glee, New Girl, Raising Hope (Fox); 90210, Ringer (The CW); Switched at Birth, Jane by Design (ABC Family); The Real Housewives of Orange County (Bravo); The Game (BET); Shipping Wars (A&E); Teen Mom 2 (MTV); Dance Moms (Lifetime), Undercover Princes (TLC); Inkmaster (Spike); Tosh.0, Key & Peele (Comedy Central); White Collar (USA)

Here’s how they roll on The River: 

TV Weekend: House of Lies vs. Mormons

House of Lies (Showtime, Sunday) In the getting-better-by-the-episode new Showtime series House of Lies Sunday, the PR team tries to expand the successful-but-stagnant business of a hotel chain in … Utah. You know what that means: Booze and Mormon jokes. The twists this time around: The LDS hotel CEO doesn’t like Marty (Don Cheadle), so it’s up to Jeannie (Kristen Bell) to close the deal (because he’s a racist, not a sexist), and Clyde (Ben Schwartz—Jean-Ralphio!) accepts the challenge of taking a Mormon gal’s virginity (anally, because apparently that’s cool with the Holy Ghost). What the fuck are the House of Lies writers reading about Mormonism? Still, pretty funny.



New tonight: 
Shark Tank (ABC); A Gifted Man, CSI:NY, Blue Bloods (CBS); Who Do You Think You Are?, Grimm (NBC); Kitchen Nightmares, Fringe (Fox); Nikita, Supernatural (The CW); Merlin (Syfy); Portlandia, the Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret (IFC); The Life & Times of Tim, Real Time With Bill Maher (HBO)

New Saturday: 
Saturday Night Live: Channing Tatum & Bon Iver (NBC/CW30); Cops (Fox); Austin City Limits: Wilco (PBS/KUED 7); An Idiot Abroad (Science); Metal Evolution (VH1)

New Sunday: 
Super Bowl 46, The Voice (NBC); Downton Abbey (PBS/KUED 7); The Puppy Bowl (Animal Planet); Luck (HBO); Shameless Californication (Showtime)

TV Tonight: Delocated, Not Community

What’s new tonight:
Delocated (Adult Swim) Season Premiere: Read all about it at CityWeekly.net (Item 2).

Not Community (Not NBC) It’s Not Back: But star Donald Glover has recorded a heartfelt PSA for the marginally-popular comedy that remains on indefinite “hiatus” and certainly not on NBC Thursdays. It's fucking serious. As he warns, “People have stopped laughing, bees have stopped producing honey and no one has died in the last 48 hours” (nice Torchwood shout-out). Please do what you can.



Also new tonight:
Wipeout, Grey’s Anatomy, Private Practice (ABC); The Big Bang Theory, Rob, Person of Interest, The Mentalist (CBS); 30 Rock, Parks & Recreation, The Office, Up All Night, The Firm (NBC); American Idol, The Finder (Fox); The Vampire Diaries, The Secret Circle (The CW); Fat Chef (Food Network); Project Runway All-Stars (Lifetime); American Stuffers (Animal Planet); Funny or Die’s Billy on the Street (Fuse); Jersey Shore, I Just Want My Pants Back (MTV); Archer, Unsupervised (FX)

Eastbound & Down: New Season 3 Trailer

Unlike True Blood, HBO's Eastbound & Down has released a real trailer for its upcoming season (which kicks off Sunday, Feb. 19). Because that's the kind of 1,000-proof kick-ass nitro Kenny Fucking Powers delivers.

Sadly, Season 3 is also the last for Eastbound & Down; subtitled "Getting Wet in Myrtle Beach," it follows our hero KFP (Danny McBride) as he returns to 'Merica from Mexican exile to pitch for the Myrtle Beach Mermen and make baseball the number-fucking-one sport on the face of the planet through the sheer power of his awesomeness.

Also along for the ride is Saturday Night Live's Jason Sudeikis, as well as returning guests Will Ferrell and Matthew McConaughey and, of course, Katy Mixon, who could use a break from that lesser CBS shitcom Mike & Molly. Here's the trailer—as Kenny says, you're welcome:

True Blood: New Season 5 Teaser

Note that it's a "teaser," not a trailer: This new HBO promo for the upcoming fifth season of vampire drama/soap/hot mess True Blood doesn't reveal much of anything plot-wise, but at least it looks cool. What else do ya want?