TV Tonight: Castle, The Layover, Death Valley

What’s new tonight:
Castle (ABC) Remember how Det. Beckett (Stana Katic) got shot at the end of last season? And how it’s barely been addressed this season? That denial comes back to bite her in the narrow ass tonight when a sniper goes on a random citywide killing spree and Beckett’s PTSD conveniently kicks into high gear. Will the episode end with a tear-jerking, partners-gotta-have-each-other’s-backs speech from Castle (Nathan Fillion)? Have you never seen this show?

The Layover (Travel) Series Debut: International badass Anthony Bourdain finds stuff to do, see and eat during 24-48-hour layovers—presumably while filming his other show, No Reservations. First up: Singapore … oh, this oughta be good …

Death Valley (MTV) Season Finale: If that other zombie show has been spending too much time on talking about “feelings,” “relationships” and other bullshit for your tastes, you should give Death Valley a spin—there’s waaay more undead brain-splattering, and it’s intentionally funny, too. Of course, as with any show I actually like on MTV, it’ll probably be canceled after tonight to make room for Teen Mom 8. Damn it.

Also new tonight:
Dancing With the Stars, You Deserve It (ABC); How I Met Your Mother, 2 Broke Girls, Two & a Half Men, Mike & Molly, Hawaii Five-0 (CBS); The Sing-Off, Rock Center With Brian Williams (NBC); Terra Nova, House (Fox); Hoarders (A&E); Bachelorette Party: Las Vegas (Oxygen); Basketball Wives LA, Love & Hip-Hop (VH1); The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (Bravo); Ridiculousness, Cuff’d (MTV), Scare Tactics, Urban Legends (Syfy); Bored to Death, Enlightened (HBO)

Can you keep up with Anthony Bourdain on The Layover?

TV Tonight: Death Valley, Terra Nova, Two & a Half Men

What’s new tonight:
Death Valley (MTV) The Walking Dead gets all the hype—where’s the love for MTV’s Death Valley? This Shaun of the Dead/Reno 911 mashup has gotten funnier (and gorier) every week since it debuted way back in August, dispatching not only zombies, but vampires and other supernatural felons at a far more rapid rate than Deputy Rick has managed over on AMC. But, since it resides in the dead (heh) of Monday night on MTV, Death Valley will likely go the way of last year’s Warren the Ape: A well-done, one-season-and-done series written off as just another MTV scripted experiment. Catch it while you can.

Terra Nova (Fox) Yes, it’s still on. Tonight, something actually happens: An asteroid hits! And … that’s about it. A billion-ish dollars well-spent, Fox.

Two & a Half Men (CBS) Walden (Ashton Kutcher) finally gets around to redecorating the former Charlie Harper/Sheen’s house, which makes Alan (Jon Cryer) misty for the old days—the perfect opportunity for Alan to bust out his Charlie impersonation and drag a little more mileage out of this sitcom “scandal.” Who said Two & a Half Men was out of ideas? Besides Charlie Sheen?

Also new tonight:
Dancing With the Stars, Castle (ABC); How I Met Your Mother, 2 Broke Girls, Mike & Molly, Hawaii Five-0 (CBS); The Sing-Off, Rock Center With Brian Williams (NBC); House (Fox); Hoarders (A&E); The Bad Girls Club Reunion, Bachelorette Party: Las Vegas (Oxygen); The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (Bravo); Ridiculousness, Cuff’d (MTV), Scare Tactics (Syfy); Bored to Death, Enlightened (HBO)

This is what you’re missing on MTV’s Death Valley: 

TV Tonight: Death Valley, Basketball Wives L.A.

What’s new tonight:
Death Valley (MTV) Series Debut: Finally, something on MTV that doesn’t suck: Death Valley is a scripted “horror-comedy” following the Los Angeles Police Department’s Undead Task Force division, which tracks down vampires, werewolves, zombies and other supernatural felons while being filmed, Cops-style—think The Walking Dead meets Reno 911. Death Valley is violent as hell and, more importantly, frequently funny, and even boasts some recognizable stars, like Bryan Callen (The Hangover) and Tania Raymonde (Lost) while looking like it was shot for more than 500 bucks on a weekend (unlike The Walking Dead’s upcoming season, reportedly). Of course, if I say this just might be the one that makes me forgive MTV for killing Warren the Ape, it’ll be canceled by Labor Day. So … yeah … Death Valley is OK. And at least more original than …

Ridiculousness (MTV) Series Debut: So, what if Tosh.0 was hosted by Rob & Big’s Rob Dyrdek instead of an actual comedian? You’d have this blatantly derivative piece o’ shit knockoff.

Cuff’d (MTV) Series Debut: And here we go again with the fresh, new ideas from MTV: “Cuff’d is a documentary series that provides viewers with a fly-on-the-wall perspective of what happens on the ride to the precinct after young offenders are arrested.” So, Cops plus Scared Straight, with an edgy ‘d title. But, MTV viewers really should be more prepared for jail, so I'll allow it.

Basketball Wives L.A. (VH1) Series Debut: Bravo has The Real Housewives; VH1 has Basketball Wives. Pretty much the same deal: Overpriviliged spouses with too much time on their hands act bitchy and fight on cue—except on Basketball Wives, they’re younger and don’t all look like candidates for Plastic Surgery Disasters. Thanks, VH1.

Also new tonight:
Bachelor Pad (ABC); Hell’s Kitchen (Fox); Basketball Wives (VH1); American Pickers, Pawn Stars (History); The Secret Life of the American Teenager, The Lying Game (ABC Family); Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations (Travel); Millionaire Matchmaker, Most Eligible Dallas (Bravo); Kate Plus 8 (TLC); Hoarders, Intervention (A&E); The Closer, Rizzoli & Isles (TNT); Eureka, Warehouse 13, Alphas (Syfy); The Protector (Lifetime); The Bad Girls Club, Hair Battle Spectacular (Oxygen)

This is how they do in Death Valley—heed the intro warning: