TV Tonight: Suburgatory, Happy Endings, The X Factor

What’s new tonight:
Suburgatory (ABC) Series Debut: Stupid name, mostly funny show: A New York City single dad and teen daughter (Jeremy Sisto and Jane Levy) move to the suburbs and discover that everyone and everything there is shiny and fake—I know, mindblower. What Sisto (last seen on Law & Order: Original Flavor) lacks in comedy chops, costar Cheryl Hines (Curb Your Enthusiasm) more than makes up for in an over-the-top-of-the-top performance as a minivan mom from Toddlers & Tiaras hell. Plus, Suburgatory was created by writers who’ve worked on Parks & Recreation and Hung—sold!

Happy Endings (ABC) Season Premiere: The only single-pals comedy to survive the spring is back! In the Season 2 opener, Penny (Casey Wilson) buys a condo, and we all know there’s nothing funnier than a condo. Little real-estate humor there …

The X Factor (Fox) The karaoke trainwreck rolls on into New York and … New Jersey. I only mention The X Factor because I’ll be on Fox 13’s Good Day Utah again tomorrow morning around 8, providing expert (?) commentary about tonight’s auditions. Just go with it.

Also new tonight:
The Middle, Modern Family, Revenge (ABC); Survivor: South Pacific, Criminal Minds, CSI (CBS); Up All Night, Free Agents, Harry’s Law, Law & Order: SVU (NBC); H8R, America’s Next Top Model (The CW); Ghost Hunters, Paranormal Witness (Syfy); The Ultimate Fighter, Blue Mountain State (Spike); Luther (BBC America); Nick Swardson’s Pretend Time (Comedy Central); Top Chef: Just Desserts (Bravo); The Real World (MTV)

This is Suburgatory—and yes, that is Lloyd from Entourage.

TV Tonight: Criminal Minds, X Factor, Revenge, CSI, SVU

What’s new tonight:
Criminal Minds (CBS) Season Premiere: The band is back together! Not that it’s all good times at the BAU: JJ (AJ Cook) has returned legit, but agent Prentiss (Paget Brewster) played dead and disappeared to protect the team at the end of last season—now she’s back and has some ‘splainin’ to do. Dra-ma! At least being dead gave Prentiss some time to grow out those bangs …

The X Factor (Fox) Series Debut: Simon Cowell, Gordon Ramsay, Dr. House—if Fox has taught us anything, it’s that we really, really like cranky old British guys with questionable haircuts telling us when we suck. Cowell returns to do just that, with Classic Crazy (Paula Abdul), New Crazy (Nicole Scherzinger) and Randy Lite (LA Reid) alongside him at the judges’ table. Related: I’ve heard that I’ll be on Fox 13’s Good Day Utah Friday morning around 8 to help make sense of the new singin’ show.

Revenge (ABC) Series Debut: It’s The Count of Monte Cristo meets Gossip Girl, or something. Anyway, Emily VanCamp is out to avenge her family in the Hamptons, and Madeline Stowe looks fantastic.

CSI (CBS) Season Premiere: Ted Danson joins the cast as the new boss! Other than that, same show.

Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (NBC) Season Premiere: Christopher Meloni is out! Other than that, same show.

Also new tonight:
The Middle, Modern Family (season premieres, ABC); Harry’s Law (season premiere, NBC); Up All Night, Free Agents (NBC); Survivor: South Pacific (CBS); H8R, America’s Next Top Model (The CW); Ghost Hunters, Paranormal Witness (Syfy); I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant, Toddlers & Tiaras (TLC); The Ultimate Fighter, Blue Mountain State (Spike); The Hour (BBC America); Top Chef: Just Desserts (Bravo)

Season 7 premiere: Tense times at Criminal Minds high …