From the makers of Valentine’s Day & New Years Eve: MLK Day!

If you missed last night’s second episode of 30 Rock because it was in The Office’s timeslot (yeah, I don’t know why, either), you missed the trailer for MLK Day, an all-star romantic comedy/trainwreck “from the makers of Valentine’s Day and New Years Eve.” (And NBC parent company Universal—ha!)

Besides the usual stars like Emma Stone, Hugh Grant, Amy Adams, Liam Neeson and Jenna Maroney (30 Rock’s Jane Krakowski), MLK Day also features cameos from R2D2, rassler Mankind, and even Abu Ghraib celebrity Lynndie England! Fandango this now!

TV Tonight: Smash

But only on your computer box: The new Broadway-musical drama Smash doesn’t debut on real TV until Monday, Feb. 6, but NBC has made the entire pilot episode available online in advance, and it’s definitely worth checking out (full, mostly-glowing True TV review coming in the Feb. 2 issue of City Weekly). Remember: Fame costs, Leroy!

New tonight:
The Big Bang Theory, Rob (CBS); 30 Rock, Parks & Recreation, 30 Rock, Up All Night, The Firm (NBC); American Idol, The Finder (Fox); Fat Chef (Food Network); Project Runway All-Stars (Lifetime); American Stuffers (Animal Planet); Funny or Die’s Billy on the Street (Fuse); Jersey Shore (MTV); Archer, Unsupervised (FX)

TV Tonight: Touch, Criminal Minds

What’s new tonight:
Touch (Fox) Sneak Preview: It doesn’t officially launch until March 19, but Touch (created by Heroes’ Tim Kring and starring Kiefer Sutherland) gets a special post-American Idol advance bump tonight. That, er, special audience may be initially put off by the complexity of the plot (Sutherland’s autistic 11-year-old son, who doesn’t speak, can predict world events through patterns in nature and numbers), but they’ll be sucked right back in by the weepy schmaltz (The kid helps people connect and reach their destinies! Dad’s a widower and a laid-off journalist working 18 blue-collar jobs! Danny Glover is a wise old man in a bathrobe!). Touch has the “global oneness” vibe of Kring’s Heroes, plus those Hallmark movie warm-fuzzies (“I hear you now!” Oh, Jack Bauer), so as long as it airs early before the grandparents doze off, expect Big Hit.

Criminal Minds (CBS) 150th Episode: Given that there’s a Criminal Minds rerun on at least one channel every hour of the TV day, I have a damned hard time believing that this is only the 150th episode the series has produced—I was thinking, more like 1,500. Tonight, the BAU team is hot on the trail of a serial rapist called … the Piano Man? Sorry, there’s no guest appearance by Billy Joel.

Also new tonight:
American Idol (Fox); CSI (CBS); Whitney, Are You There Chelsea? (NBC); One Tree Hill (The CW); Ghost Hunters, Face Off (Syfy); Dog the Bounty Hunter (A&E); Toddlers & Tiaras (TLC); Hot In Cleveland, The Exes (TV Land); Mistresses (BBC America); The Challenge (MTV); Top Chef: Texas (Bravo); Royal Pains (USA); The Soup (E!)

Prepare to be Touched by a Kiefer …

TV Tonight: State of the Union Address, Justified

What’s new tonight:
State of the Union Address (Most Channels) President Obama will pre-empt most of your favorite shows tonight to tell you what you already know: We fucked. Oh, if only he were that gangsta. Me, I prefer the more direct message delivered here by Key & Peele—coincidentally, debuting a week from tonight on Comedy Central:



Justified (FX) State of the Union got ya down? Need a beer or five? Come to Brewvies (677 S. 200 West, 21+), where True TV will be presenting Justified on the big screen every Tuesday at 8 p.m., free and followed by an encore run of FX’s American Horror Story. It’s the right place to be.

Also new tonight:
The Biggest Loser (NBC); 90210, Remodeled (The CW); Switched at Birth, Jane by Design (ABC Family); Tabatha Takes Over (Bravo); The Game (BET); Shipping Wars, Storage Wars Texas (A&E); Teen Mom 2 (MTV); Dance Moms, 24 Hour Catwalk (Lifetime), Ink Master (Spike); White Collar (USA); Southland (TNT)

TV Tonight: The Bachelor - in Park City!

What’s new tonight:
The Bachelor (ABC) Tonight on Roses For My ‘Hos, er, The Bachelor, Ben takes his remaining desperate psychopaths, uh, potential soul mates, on a romantic horseback riding date in Park City. I know this, because PR flacks have been bombarding me left and right about the upcoming Utah! Episode! like these reality idiots are fucking royalty. What ABC isn’t disclosing: They didn’t disinfect the area after they left. Sundance attendees, beware.



Also new tonight:
Castle (ABC); Who’s Still Standing, Fear Factor, Rock Center With Brian Williams (NBC); House, Alcatraz (Fox); Gossip Girl, Hart of Dixie (The CW); Pawn Stars (History); Pretty Little Liars, The Lying Game (ABC Family); The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, It’s a Brad Brad World (Bravo); Being Human, Lost Girl (Syfy)