TV Tonight: 24 Hour Catwalk, Dance Moms, Body of Proof

What’s new tonight:
24 Hour Catwalk (Lifetime) New Series: This debuted last Thursday after the season premiere of Project Runway All Stars—yeah, it made that much of an impression. In 24 Hour Catwalk (named so because host Alexa Chung looks like a wet cat, I’m assuming), aspiring designers have—you guessed it—24 hours to stitch together a clothing line and, of course, cause as much sewing room DRA-MA as possible. But, seriously: Who the fuck is Alexa Chung?

Dance Moms (Lifetime) Season Premiere: The surprise cable hit of 2011 is back! If you find Toddlers & Tiaras to be just be a little too “thinky” and “dignified,” Dance Moms (starring Loud! Now! Brown! Cow! instructor Abby Lee Miller) is for you! Lick it up, ‘Merica.

Body of Proof (ABC) Watch It While You Can: Biz buzz has it that ABC’s MILF-tastic crime drama Body of Proof is headed for the ol’ TV glue factory after Season 2 wraps—which means we (meaning, myself and a few hundred other viewers) only have several months/weeks/minutes left with Dana Delaney and Jeri Ryan. Same goes for Poppy Montgomery’s Unforgettable over on CBS; Maria Bello’s Prime Suspect is already long gone from NBC. This just ain’t the season for lady cops, apparently.

Also new tonight: 
Last Man Standing, Work It, Celebrity Wife Swap: Flavor Flav & Dee Snider (ABC); NCIS, NCIS: Los Angeles, Unforgettable (CBS); The Biggest Loser, Parenthood (NBC); Switched at Birth, Jane by Design (ABC Family); Tabatha Takes Over (Bravo); The Game (BET); Shipping Wars, Storage Wars Texas (A&E); Teen Mom 2 (MTV); Extreme Couponing All Stars (TLC)

How many millions watched Dance Moms last year? WT Fuck?

TV Tonight: New Girl, Body of Proof, Tosh.0, SOA

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TV Tonight: Last Man Standing, Ringer, Body of Proof

What’s new tonight:
Last Man Standing (ABC) Series Debut: Since ABC is killing it so efficiently in the comedy department these days with Modern Family, The Middle, Happy Endings, the new Suburgatory and the currently benched Cougar Town, it’s impossible to grasp how visionless, throwback shit like Last Man Standing and Man Up (premiering next Tuesday) snuck into the mix. Tim Allen (Home Improvement—Wiki it) is the titular last man standing, a lunkhead sporting-goods-store marketing director who’s now a work-at-homer surrounded by a wife and three daughters—let the henpecking and wacky gender-specific misunderstandings commence! It’s like the ’90s and According to Jim never happened. Nancy Travis deserves better than this—not much better, but something.

Ringer (The CW) Sarah Michelle Gellar is hangin’ in there as troubled twins Siobahn and Bridget—but this conspiracy is bound come apart soon! Probably not tonight … but soon! If you’ve been wondering how long the latter ex-stripper/junkie will be able to stay off the booze and pills, however, soon is now! Don’t worry, SMG fans; The CW has already canceled H8R, so they can’t afford to lose another chunk of the schedule.

Body of Proof (ABC) This show ain’t so lucky: Sure, it’s possible that Charlie’s Angels or Pan Am could get the ax first, but ABC has to be disappointed with this Dana Delany/Jeri Ryan MILF-fest’s performance against CBS’ Unforgettable—maybe more tank-tops are the answer. Anyway, watch Body of Proof harder tonight as ME doc Megan (Delany) solves a case of waaay too many missing dead bodies—one of which should be Tim Allen’s.

Sons of Anarchy (FX) Accept no tiny-screen substitutes at other bars: The original Sons of Anarchy TV Party is tonight at Brewvies (677 South 200 West, 21+), free on the big screen at 8 pm—be there.

Also new tonight:
Dancing With the Stars (ABC); NCIS, NCIS: Los Angeles, Unforgettable (CBS); The Biggest Loser, Parenthood (NBC); 90210 (The CW); Tosh.0, Workaholics (Comedy Central); The Rachel Zoe Project, Mad Fashion (Bravo); 19 Kids & Counting, The Little Couple (TLC); Gene Simmons Family Jewels (A&E); The Onion News Network (IFC)

Even more secrets and lies on Ringer! When will it end?