TV Tonight: Whitney, Vampire Diaries, Secret Circle, Sunny

What’s new tonight:
Whitney (NBC) What wacky She Said/He Said misunderstanding will befall Whitney tonight? Get this: Whitney (Whitney Cummings) discovers that Alex (Chris D’Elia) actually had hobbies and got out of the apartment and did stuff before he hooked up with her, so she insists they play raquetball together—boooiiinnng! Ball jokes ahoy! And then the gang does some other funny shit and the studio audience laughs. It’s a real studio audience, yo!

The Vampire Diaries, The Secret Circle (The CW) Fall Finales: They’re both outta here until January … that’s all I got. Need more, girls? OK … uh … Vampires! Werewolves! Forbidden love! Er … Twilight? And we’re done here.

It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia (FX) Says here, “The gang’s plan to extract an artifact is jeopardized when the owners turn out to be home.” This can’t end well, now can it?

Also new tonight:
Charlie’s Angels, Grey’s Anatomy, Private Practice (ABC); The Big Bang Theory, Rules of Engagement, Person of Interest, The Mentalist (CBS); Community, Parks & Recreation, The Office, Prime Suspect (NBC); The X Factor, Bones (Fox); Project Accessory (Lifetime); The League (FX); Beavis & Butt-head, Good Vibes (MTV); Burn Notice (USA); Gigolos, Dave’s Old Porn (Showtime)

Can’t go wrong with a Thai-food-burning-yr-asshole gag, eh Whitney?

TV Tonight: Charlie’s Angels, Parks & Recreation, The League

What’s new tonight:
Charlie’s Angels (ABC) Now that NBC’s The Playboy Club and Free Agents have been killed dead, the next new series staring down the cancellation barrel is … Charlie’s Angels! So, if you’re a fan of humorless cop drama barely acted by passable models with a dash of requisite action, better catch it now—could be gone by next week, as ABC isn’t showing the same “patience” as NBC these days. Tonight’s ep even has one of the Angels (doesn’t matter which; let’s say it’s Minka Kelly) playing in “a floating, high-stakes poker game” on a cruise ship! It’s a ‘ho nuffer level of terrible!

Parks & Recreation (NBC) Conveniently coinciding with the Knope 2012 campaign, Leslie (Amy Poehler) releases her new book, Pawnee: The Greatest Town in America. Pandering for votes? Hey, it’ll do better than my campaign book, Suck It! Salt Lake.

Whitney (NBC) Whitney catches her boyfriend checking out other girls; crazy-chick clichés and jokes-yelling ensue. Since I can’t root for Natasha Leggero on Free Agents anymore, I guess I’ll have to throw my brunette-female-comic support completely behind Team Whitney. Should have seen this coming …

The League (FX) Season Premiere: Read all about it at CityWeekly.net (Item 1).

Also new tonight:
Grey’s Anatomy, Private Practice (ABC); The Big Bang Theory, How to Be a Gentleman, Person of Interest, The Mentalist (CBS); Community, The Office, Prime Suspect (NBC); The X Factor (Fox); The Vampire Diaries, The Secret Circle (The CW); Project Runway (Lifetime); NTSF:SD:SUV (Adult Swim); Jersey Shore (MTV); It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia (FX)

Parks & Recreation makes book talk on radio sound almost exciting:

TV Tonight: Community, The Office, Prime Suspect

This just in: I'm on the latest Audio Vaudeville podcast, talkin' Fall TV, right over here.

What’s new tonight:
Community (NBC) Season Premiere: Forget the whole “Is Pierce (Chevy Chase) coming back?” nonsense: Tonight, Omar from The Wire shows up as a biology teacher, and Dean Pelton has a new nemesis in John Goodman. Shit’s gettin’ real this season!

The Office (NBC) Season Premiere: Since Kathy Bates is busy with Wednesday-night deadweight Harry’s Law (it’s still a show; look it up), James Spader has stepped in as the new CEO of Dunder-Mifflin parent company Sabre, the suspiciously/awesomely-named Robert California. He’s not technically the new Michael Scott; the search for a Regional Manager continues this season—and the name may be on a mysterious piece of paper circulating through the office tonight. But probably not.

Prime Suspect (NBC) Series Debut: Mario Bello is a tough homicide cop dealing with precinct sexism and a stupid fedora. Prime Suspect is a decent and gritty enough remake of the British, Helen Mirren-starring original, but do you really need another police drama in your life? Not even if it’s directed by Peter Berg.

Whitney (NBC) Series Debut: Read all about it at CityWeekly.net (Item 1).

Charlie’s Angels (NBC) Series Debut: Read all about it at CityWeekly.net (Item 2).

Person of Interest (CBS) Series Debut: Read all about it at CityWeekly.net (Item 3).

Also new tonight:
Grey’s Anatomy (season premiere, ABC); The Big Bang Theory, The Mentalist (season premieres, CBS); Parks & Recreation (season premiere, NBC); The X Factor (Fox); The Vampire Diaries, The Secret Circle (The CW); Project Runway, Dance Moms, Russian Dolls (Lifetime); Millionaire Matchmaker (Bravo); NTSF:SD:SUV (Adult Swim); Jersey Shore (MTV); It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, Archer (FX)

Community is back, hopefully not going overboard on the musical numbers …