TV Tonight: Cougar Town, Ringer, Justified

What’s new tonight:
Cougar Town (ABC) Season Premiere: Finally! Ill-conceived/received ABC sitcoms like Man Up and Work It have come and died in the nine months since Cougar Town has been off the air, displaced by the equally funny Happy Endings on Wednesdays, but it’s back! Now if Courteney Cox & Co. can just overcome the Last Man Standing lead-in—Tim Allen has already killed twice; just because Cougar Town is a smart, well-written and sharply-cast comedy doesn’t guarantee he can’t take this one down, too.

Ringer (The CW) It’s Still On: In honor of Valentine’s Day, tonight’s episode of increasingly-ridiculous twins-terror soap opera Ringer is titled … “Whores Don’t Make That Much.” OK, I just might have to Tivo it …

Justified, American Horror Story (FX) … Because I’ll be at Brewvies (677 S. 200 West, 21+) watching Justified and American Horror Story with a big-ass beer and a plate of nachos—and you can, too! Justified starts at 8 pm, followed by an Encore Presentation of the first season of American Horror Story at 9. Bring a date; it’s perfect for Valentine’s Day (and free).

Also new tonight: 
Last Man Standing, The River, Body of Proof (ABC); NCIS, NCIS: Los Angeles, Unforgettable (CBS); The Biggest Loser, Parenthood (NBC); Glee, New Girl, Raising Hope (Fox); 90210 (The CW); 19 Kids & Counting (TLC); Teen Mom 2 (MTV); Switched at Birth, Jane by Design (ABC Family); Dance Moms (Lifetime); Ink Master (Spike); Tosh.0, Key & Peele (Comedy Central)

Cougar Town … it’s been too long …

TV Tonight: The River, Doomsday Preppers, Justified, AHS

What’s new tonight:
The River (ABC) Series Debut: A supernatural-tinged mystery series about being Lost in the wilderness? This is something entirely new for ABC. Beloved wildlife TV personality Emmet Cole (Bruce Greenwood) goes missing in the Amazon and is presumed deader than Steve Irwin—until his emergency beacon turns on six months later. When Emmet’s wife, son and a motley camera crew head into the rainforest to find him, bizarre incidents and gruesome deaths (documented shakily by said camera crew) ensue in Paranormal Activity-like fashion—coincidentally, The River was co-created by Paranormal Activity’s Oren Peli. The real selling point: It’s only eight episodes long.

Doomsday Preppers (NatGeo) Series Debut: Of the several dozen reality shows on former educational channels about toothless rednecks with shitty jobs currently piling up in the TV guide, Doomsday Preppers at least has a great title. It’s also perfectly self-explanatory: Rednecks are gearing up for the end of the world; here’s who you’ll be begging for rations when the apocalypse hits. Yeah, sorry.

Justified, American Horror Story (FX) Every Tuesday before the apocalypse, you can join me at Brewvies (677 South 200 West, 21+) at 8 pm for a beer and Justified on the big screen, followed by a Season 1 encore of American Horror Story at 9 (FX).

Also new tonight: 
Last Man Standing (ABC); NCIS, NCIS: Los Angeles, Unforgettable (CBS); The Biggest Loser, Parenthood (NBC); Glee, New Girl, Raising Hope (Fox); 90210, Ringer (The CW); Switched at Birth, Jane by Design (ABC Family); The Real Housewives of Orange County (Bravo); The Game (BET); Shipping Wars (A&E); Teen Mom 2 (MTV); Dance Moms (Lifetime), Undercover Princes (TLC); Inkmaster (Spike); Tosh.0, Key & Peele (Comedy Central); White Collar (USA)

Here’s how they roll on The River: 

TV Tonight: State of the Union Address, Justified

What’s new tonight:
State of the Union Address (Most Channels) President Obama will pre-empt most of your favorite shows tonight to tell you what you already know: We fucked. Oh, if only he were that gangsta. Me, I prefer the more direct message delivered here by Key & Peele—coincidentally, debuting a week from tonight on Comedy Central:



Justified (FX) State of the Union got ya down? Need a beer or five? Come to Brewvies (677 S. 200 West, 21+), where True TV will be presenting Justified on the big screen every Tuesday at 8 p.m., free and followed by an encore run of FX’s American Horror Story. It’s the right place to be.

Also new tonight:
The Biggest Loser (NBC); 90210, Remodeled (The CW); Switched at Birth, Jane by Design (ABC Family); Tabatha Takes Over (Bravo); The Game (BET); Shipping Wars, Storage Wars Texas (A&E); Teen Mom 2 (MTV); Dance Moms, 24 Hour Catwalk (Lifetime), Ink Master (Spike); White Collar (USA); Southland (TNT)

TV Tonight: Justified, Southland, Remodeled, Ink Master

What’s new tonight:
Justified (FX) Season Premiere: What to know about Season 3 of Justified: U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens (Timothy Olyphant) is watching his back for Bennetts more than ever after the death of family figurehead Mags; girlfriend Winona (Natalie Zea) is pregnant; Boyd (Walton Goggins) is still the worst/best friend to have; Boyd’s gal Ava (Joelle Carter) may or may not have survived that gunshot at the end of last season; and there’s a pickup-load of heavy-hitter guest stars coming to Harlan, Ky., (including Carla Gugino, Neal McDonough, Jere Burns and Dexter’s Desmond Harrington). If none of this makes sense, you need to get Seasons 1 and 2 now, and then come to Brewvies (677 S. 200 West, 21+), where True TV will be presenting Justified on the big screen every Tuesday at 8 p.m., free and followed by an encore run of FX’s American Horror Story. You’re welcome.

Southland (TNT) Season Premiere: The best gritty cop show about L.A. starring a former resident of The O.C. (Ben McKenzie) is back! In tonight’s Season 3 opener, freshly-rehabbed Cooper (Michael Cudlitz) gets a new partner, and it’s … Lucy Liu?

Remodeled (The CW) Series Debut: It’s like America’s Next Top Model meets Kitchen Nightmares: Modeling biz vet John Fischer travels to struggling little modeling agencies around the country and just tries to help—you know, by yelling at the agents and informing the models that they’re homely. So … where’s Ringer?

Ink Master (Spike) Series Debut: It’s like L.A. Ink meets Top Chef: Host Dave Navarro (!) pits 10 tattoo artists against each another in pen-to-pen competitions until one ultimately wins $100,000 and the prestigious, just-made-up title of Ink Master. Because if there’s one thing you want done under time constraints by a nervous artist, it’s a tattoo.

Also new tonight:
Last Man Standing, Celebrity Wife Swap, Body of Proof (ABC); The Biggest Loser, Parenthood (NBC); Glee, New Girl, Raising Hope (Fox); Switched at Birth, Jane by Design (ABC Family); Tabatha Takes Over (Bravo); The Game (BET); Shipping Wars, Storage Wars Texas (A&E); Teen Mom 2 (MTV); Dance Moms, 24 Hour Catwalk (Lifetime), White Collar (USA)

Behold the awesomeness that is Justified: