TV Weekend: Nikita, SNL, Eastbound & Down, Life’s Too Short

What’s new this weekend:
Nikita (The CW, tonight) Tonight, Nikita (Maggie Q) finally learns how Division began—exactly how this pertains to just blowing the place up remains to be seen, but there’s sure to be plenty of smoldering glances, shocked expressions and leather catsuits. Meanwhile, Alex (Lyndsy Fonseca) crashes a press conference and reveals that she’s a not-dead Russian heiress and demands her junkie mommy back. Ditto, smoldering glances, shocked expressions and leather catsuits.



Also new tonight: 
Shark Tank (ABC); Undercover Boss, A Gifted Man, Blue Bloods (CBS); NAACP Image Awards (NBC); Kitchen Nightmares, Fringe (Fox); Supernatural (The CW); Merlin (Syfy); Portlandia (IFC); The Life & Times of Tim, Real Time With Bill Maher (HBO); Spartacus: Vengeance (Starz)

Saturday Night Live (NBC/CW30, Saturday) Maya Rudolph (Up All Night, SNL) hosts and may or may not whip out her Whitney Houston impersonation. Also, hipsters Sleigh Bells “perform” “live” and look adorable.



Also new Saturday: 
The Firm (NBC); Cops (Fox); Oddities, An Idiot Abroad (Science); Parking Wars, Billy the Exterminator (A&E); The Fades, Graham Norton Show (BBC America); 2012: Ice Age (Syfy)

Eastbound & Down (HBO, Sunday) Season Premiere: Read about it at CityWeekly.net (Item 1).

Life’s Too Short (HBO, Sunday) Series Debut: Read about it at CityWeekly.net (Item 2).

The Walking Dead (AMC) Join the big-screen throngs at Brewvies (677 S. 200 West, 21+), but show up early—seats go fast. People like free stuff, apparently.

Also new Sunday: 
Once Upon a Time, Desperate Housewives, Pan Am (ABC); The Amazing Race, The Good Wife, CSI: Miami (CBS); The Simpsons, The Cleveland Show, Napoleon Dynamite, Family Guy, American Dad (Fox); Downton Abbey (PBS/KUED 7); Comic Book Men, Talking Dead (AMC); Luck (HBO); Shameless, House of Lies, Californication (Showtime)

TV Tonight: SNL, Miss America, Sexting in Suburbia

What’s new tonight:
Saturday Night Live (NBC/CW30) Daniel Radcliffe aka Harry Potter hosts, and inexplicable female pop flavor of the moment Lana Del Rey … sings? Mumbles? Stays awake for three minutes? At least she’s purdy …

2012 Miss America Pageant (ABC) The Bachelor’s Chris Harrison (“Ladies, there’s only one rose left”—no shit!) and nobody’s Brooke Burke host as America’s next high-profile DUI case is chosen from 53 contestants. Even better, it’s live from Planet Hollywood in Las Vegas! The Radisson was booked.

Sexting in Suburbia (Lifetime) Movie: Didn’t think Lifetime would be the first to work “sexting” into a title, but here it is: A distraught mom (Liz Vassey) investigates the cyberbullying-driven suicide of her teen daughter—which we’re just going to have to assume originated from sexting, in the suburbs. Cyberbullying in Suburbia just didn’t pop.

Also new tonight: 
Austin City Limits: Arcade Fire (PBS/KUED 7); Cops (Fox); Collision Earth (Syfy); A Taste of Romance (Hallmark); The Fades, Graham Norton Show (BBC America); My Cat From Hell (Animal Planet); Metal Evolution, That Metal Show (VH1 Classic)

Sexting in Suburbia, a cautionary tale … on a network watched by absolutely no teenagers …

TV Weekend: Life & Times of Tim, SNL, Survivor, Dexter

What’s new this weekend:
The Life & Times of Tim (HBO) Season Premiere: After two seasons in 2008 and 2010, HBO canceled the animated Life & Times of Tim, then uncanceled it and picked it up for this third run. See, Deadwood and Carnivale diehards? There’s still hope (but not really). Before, Tim (voiced by series creator Steve Dildarian) was a 20-something NYC corporate-office drone with a propensity for turning every situation into an awkward disaster; now, he’s unemployed and awkwardly looking for work (too bad this season was made before Occupy Wall Street happened). Funny, twisted stuff—and you don’t even have to be Adult Swim-level “medicated” to appreciate it.



Steven Niles’ Remains (Chiller) Movie: No, not the remains of author Steve Niles (30 Days of Night), but yet another zombie-apocalypse thriller. The Remains twist: It’s set in Reno, and it’s on an obscure channel you’ve likely never frequented—unless you’re really, really into horror flicks and reruns of Fear Factor and … Harper’s Island? Still, Remains is a notch above the average Saturday-night Syfy filler, both aesthetically and dramatically, and Chiller sent me an elaborate promotional casino box with playing cards and poker chips to say it.

Also new tonight:
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (ABC); Chuck, Grimm (NBC); Happiness is a Warm Blanket Charlie Brown, Ice Age: Mammoth Christmas (Fox); America’s Most Wanted, Starving Secrets With Tracey Gold (Lifetime); Sanctuary (Syfy)

Saturday Night Live (NBC/CW30) Fall Finale: Jimmy Fallon hosts, and that nice young man Michael Buble sings. Who wants to bet the sound will be fucked up in the opening sketch yet again? No wagers from anyone at CW30.

 
Also new Saturday:
CWMA Country Christmas (ABC); Frosty the Snowman, Frosty Returns, The Story of Santa Claus (CBS); America’s Most Wanted: U.S. Marshals Edition (Fox); WWE Salute to the Troops (USA); Too Cute! Baby Sloths (Animal Planet); Graham Norton Show (BBC America)

Survivor: South Pacific (CBS) Season Finale: Season Finale: In the ultimate surprise twist, the winner of Survivor: South Pacific will be neither Coach nor Ozzy (and certainly not that idiot Brandon), but Angelea from the recently-completed season of America’s Next Top Model. You may not get it, but reality-TV blogs are blowing up right now. #Angelea

Dexter, Homeland (Showtime) Season Finales: So the whole “Doomsday Killer” arc has nearly fizzled in the homestretch of Dexter’s sixth season, and the side plots haven’t gone much better (Deb has to be the worst Miami Metro cop boss since, well, the last one). And what’s with killing off the most interesting guest stars (Mos Def and Molly Parker) so early? Travis (Colin Hanks) and Dex (Michael C. Hall) are at least headed for a typically epic serial-killer smackdown finale, and those only disappoint in prime-numbered seasons—am I right, mathletes? Similarly, new international-terrorism soap Homeland has careened from iffy to gripping to slippery over the previous 11 episodes, and it’s tough to imagine how they’re going to tie it up, much less set it up for the second season that’s already been ordered. Somebody exhume Jack Bauer, quick.



Also new Sunday:
Allen Gregory (season/series finale, Fox); Geek Love, All-American Muslim (TLC); Kourtney & Kim Take New York (E!); The Real Housewives of Atlanta, Chef Roble & Co. (Bravo); Hell on Wheels (AMC); Leverage (TNT)

Obligatory blog question: So what are you going to watch this weekend?

TV Weekend: Boss, SNL, Boardwalk Empire, Bag of Bones

What’s new this weekend:
Boss (Starz, tonight) Season Finale: It’s Election Day in Chicago—will Mayor Kane (Kelsey Grammer) keep his seat? Since Boss will be back for a second season next year, yeah, probably. Onto more important matters: Will Kane’s assistant Kitty (Kathleen Robertson) keep her clothes on for another episode? This disturbing trend doesn’t bode well for the aforementioned Season 2.



Chuck (NBC, tonight) Community’s Danny Pudi (did you see last night’s amazing Christmas/Farewell ep? Hulu it!) guests as a new Buy More employee, and a reluctant Chuck has to turn to Verbanski (Carrie-Anne Moss) for help with a nasty computer virus. Good thing: The Buy More Nerd Herd would just declare his computer dead to sell him a new one—just like a certain local company specializing in PC Laptops did to me months ago. Guess what? I’m typing this on the very same “dead” laptop. It’s a miracle!

Also new tonight: 
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (ABC); Grimm (NBC); Sanctuary (Syfy); America’s Most Wanted, Starving Secrets With Tracey Gold (Lifetime); The Onion News Network (IFC)

Saturday Night Live (NBC/CW30, Saturday) Noted comedienne Katy Perry hosts, and welcomes musical guests Katy Perry’s Boobs. Or Robyn. Either works.



Snowmageddon (Syfy, Saturday) Movie: Read (some) about it at CityWeekly.net and then make your own Syfy movie.

Also new Saturday: 
The 98th Republican Presidential Candidate Debate (ABC); Cops (Fox); Spike Videogame Awards 2011 (Spike); Metal Evolution, That Metal Show (VH1); Extreme Christmas Trees (TLC); Primevil, The Graham Norton Show (BBC America)

The Amazing Race (CBS, Sunday) Season Finale: As always, the white people win.

Boardwalk Empire (HBO, Sunday) Season Finale: Jimmy considers making amends with Nucky, since it seems a lot less weird now than having sex your own mother, I’m assuming. Meanwhile, Margaret considers a weighty offer from Esther Randolph, the woman who’s prosecuting Nucky. In all, looks like Nucky’s fucked—yes, I have been waiting two seasons to say that.



Stephen King’s Bag of Bones (A&E, Sunday) Miniseries Pt. 1: Pierce Brosnan returns to television (well, cable) in a miniseries about ghosts, love, etc. Also starring Melissa George, Jason Priestly and maybe even Lori from The Walking Dead as the titular bag of bones (but not really).

Also new Sunday: 
Once Upon a Time (ABC); The Good Wife, CSI: Miami (CBS); The Simpsons, The Cleveland Show, Family Guy, American Dad (Fox); Robot Chicken (Adult Swim); The Real Housewives of Atlanta (Bravo); Kourtney & Kim Take New York (E!); Hell on Wheels (AMC); Leverage (TNT); Luck (HBO); Dexter, Homeland (Showtime)

TV Weekend: Nikita, Supernatural, SNL, Neverland

What’s new this weekend:
Nikita (The CW, tonight) Fall Finale: In the last episode until January, Alex finally makes her move against the Russians who had her family killed—if she can so easily beat the shit out of a roomful of goons, how come she can never even muss Nikita’s hair? Meanwhile, back in ‘Merica, Nik has to enlist black-box help from Owen because Michael’s still on his emo vacation, and pissed-off Amanda drops the hammer on Percy. Needless to say, not everyone’s issues are getting worked out tonight.



Supernatural (The CW, tonight) Fall Finale: Also out until January, Supernatural signs off for 2011 with a Bobby-centric episode … because that’s what the girls want, less Sam and Dean and more grizzled old dude.

Also new tonight:
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (ABC); A Gifted Man, CSI:NY, Blue Bloods (CBS); Game of Your Life (NBC); Star Wars: The Clone Wars (Cartoon Network); Sanctuary (Syfy); America’s Most Wanted, Starving Secrets With Tracey Gold (Lifetime); The Onion News Network (IFC); Boss (Starz)

Saturday Night Live (NBC/CW30, Saturday) Boardwalk Empire’s Steve Buscemi hosts and The Black Keys play. Finally, a solid host/band combo—don’t fuck it up, Steve!



Also new Saturday:
It’s a Wonderful Life (NBC); The Ultimate Fighter (Spike); Primevil, The Graham Norton Show (BBC America)

Neverland (Syfy, Sunday) Miniseries: No, it’s not about Michael Jackson’s ranch: Neverland is an epic miniseries prequel to Peter Pan, starring Keira Knightly, Rhys Ifans, Anna Friel, Bob Hoskins and Charlie Rowe. And, yes: Like most Syfy miniseries, it looks cool and it’s too long (Neverland concludes Monday night).



Also new Sunday:
Once Upon a Time, Desperate Housewives, Pan Am (ABC); The Amazing Race, The Good Wife, CSI: Miami (CBS); The Simpsons, Allen Gregory, Family Guy, The Cleveland Show (Fox); Robot Chicken (Adult Swim); The Real Housewives of Atlanta (Bravo); Kourtney & Kim Take New York (E!); Hell on Wheels (AMC); Leverage (TNT); Boardwalk Empire, Hung (HBO); Dexter, Homeland (Showtime)

TV Weekend: Metal Evolution, SNL, Rage of the Yeti, Homeland

What’s new this weekend:
Metal Evolution, Behind the Music Remastered: Megadeth, That Metal Show (VH1 Classic, tonight) 11/11/11 Metal Day Specials: Read all about ‘em at CityWeekly.net.

Also new tonight:
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (ABC); A Gifted Man, CSI:NY, Blue Bloods (CBS); Chuck, Grimm (NBC); Kitchen Nightmares, Fringe (Fox); Nikita, Supernatural (The CW); Star Wars: The Clone Wars (Cartoon Network); Sanctuary (Syfy); Real Time With Bill Maher (HBO); The Soup (E!); The Heart, She Holler (Adult swim)

Rage of the Yeti (Syfy, Saturday) Movie: Arctic monsters (not a band) terrorize people dumb enough to be arctic explorers (including Baywatch’s David Chokachi). As you can see by the photo above, looks awesome!

Saturday Night Live (NBC/CW30, Saturday) Just like last week: Great host (Emma Stone) and shitty band (Coldplay).

Also new Saturday:
Cops (Fox); We Have Your Husband (Lifetime); T.J. Miller: No Real Reason (Comedy Central); Primevil, Graham Norton Show (BBC America)

Homeland (Showtime, Sunday) Maybe-a-terrorist Brody (Damian Lewis) and definitely-crazy Carrie (Claire Danes) take their unlikely affair to the next loony level by spending the weekend sexing it up in the countryside. Meanwhile, back home, everybody finds out that wife Jessica (Morena Baccarin) has been getting it on with Brody’s pal Mike (Diego Klattenoff); shit, meet fan. Reminder: This is a show about international terrorism and homeland security.

The Walking Dead (AMC) Come watch it at Brewvies (677 South 200 West, 21+) for free at 8 pm; zombies are better with a beer.

Also new Sunday:
Once Upon a Time, Desperate Housewives, Pan Am (ABC); The Amazing Race, The Good Wife, CSI: Miami (CBS); The Simpsons, Allen Gregory, Family Guy, American Dad (Fox); Sister Wives (TLC); Kendra, Dirty Soap (E!); Robot Chicken, Squidbillies, China Il. (Adult Swim); The Real Housewives of Atlanta (Bravo); Hell on Wheels, Talking Dead (AMC); Boardwalk Empire, Hung, How to Make It in America (HBO); Dexter (Showtime)

Bonus: Last week’s credits and a promo for this Sunday’s Homeland: 

TV Weekend: Fringe, SNL, Hell on Wheels, Heart She Holler

What’s new this weekend:
Fringe (Fox, tonight) Not only is Fringe finally back after way too many baseball interruptions, but The Artist Formerly Known as Peter (Joshua Jackson) returns, too! Unfortunately, so do those translucent shapeshifters, fringe science’s answer to hairless cats (blech). Fringe is still the only real sci-fi show on the network TV, and possibly the smartest ever created—so let’s see how far the ratings will drop this week.



Grimm (NBC, tonight) Week 2: It premiered well last Friday (even against the World Series), but now Law & Order: Special Grimm Unit faces the aforementioned Fringe, as well as The CW’s Supernatural. This week’s secret weapon? Thievin’ bears. Yes, really.

Also new tonight:
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (ABC); A Gifted Man, CSI:NY, Blue Bloods (CBS); Chuck (NBC); Kitchen Nightmares (Fox); Nikita, Supernatural (The CW); Star Wars: The Clone Wars (Cartoon Network); Sanctuary (Syfy); Real Time With Bill Maher (HBO); The Soup (E!)

Saturday Night Live (NBC/CW30, Saturday) The good news: It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia’s Charlie Day hosts SNL! The bad news: The musical guests are limp-dick AOR “rockers” Maroon 5. Can’t have everything.



Also new Saturday:
Cops (Fox); Blue Mountain State (Spike); True Life: I’m Occupying Wall Street (MTV); Pablo Francisco: They Put it Out There (Comedy Central); Wendy Lieberman: Taller on TV (Showtime)

Dexter (Showtime, Sunday) Will Brother Sam (Mos Def, or whatever he’s calling himself this week) survive being gunned down at the end of last Sunday’s ep? Yeah, probably—the only real question here is, how swift will Dexter’s (Michael C. Hall) vengeance be? And should he really be taking on new pals? We’ve seen before what happens when Dex makes friends, and it never ends well. Oh, and there’s some Deb/Quinn drama … what-ever.



The Walking Dead (AMC, Sunday) Come watch it at Brewvies (677 South 200 West, 21+) for free at 8 pm; zombies are better 10-feet-tall in HD with a beer and nachos.

Hell on Wheels (AMC, Sunday) Series Debut: Read about it at CityWeekly.net (Item 1).

The Heart, She Holler (Adult Swim, Sunday) Miniseries Debut: Read about it at CityWeekly.net (Item 4).

Also new Sunday:
Once Upon a Time, Desperate Housewives, Pan Am (ABC); The Amazing Race, The Good Wife, CSI: Miami (CBS); The Simpsons, Allen Gregory, Family Guy, American Dad (Fox); Sister Wives (TLC); Kendra, Dirty Soap (E!); Robot Chicken, Squidbillies, China Il. (Adult Swim); The Real Housewives of Atlanta (Bravo); Boardwalk Empire, Hung, How to Make It in America (HBO); Homeland (Showtime); Talking Dead (AMC)

TV Weekend: Fringe, Supernatural, SNL, Boardwalk Empire

What’s new this weekend:
Fringe (Fox, tonight) Season Premiere: Is Peter (Joshua Jackson) really gone? Find out!

Supernatural (The CW, tonight) Season Premiere: Is Castiel (Misha Collins) really God? Find out!

A Gifted Man (CBS, tonight) Series Debut: In the season finale of Adult Swim’s Childrens Hospital earlier this month, each of the cast members got their own ridiculous spin-off TV series, one of which was called The Ghost Doctorer. CBS should have snapped up that instead of A Gifted Man.

Also new tonight:
CSI:NY, Blue Bloods (season premieres, CBS); Kitchen Nightmares (season premiere, Fox); Nikita (season premiere, The CW); Nirvana: Live at the Paramount (VH1); Haven (Syfy); Star Wars: The Clone Wars (Cartoon Network); Strike Back (Cinemax); Real Time With Bill Maher (HBO); The Soup (E!)

Saturday Night Live (NBC/CW30, Saturday) Season Premiere: Alec Baldwin hosts, and famed musical-comedy troupe Radiohead performs.

Also new Saturday:
Cops (Fox); Doctor Who (BBC America); Morlocks (Syfy)

Boardwalk Empire (HBO, Sunday) Season Premiere: For you prohibition-era historians have been wondering, “Hey, when does the KKK show up?” this is your night. Also, Nucky’s (Steve Buscemi) feeling the squeeze in an Atlantic City real estate deal, and Al Capone’s up to no good, as you would expect. Boardwalk Empire isn’t skimping on the budget in Season 2, and for you prohibition-era purists, the Brian Jonestown Massacre theme song remains intact—suck it!

Pan Am (ABC, Sunday) Series Debut: The ’60s-set Pan Am is more fun and less self-serious than NBC’s gawdawful The Playboy Club … so, there’s that. The Empowered Women of the Sky, aka stewardesses, are ambitious, sexy, complicated, sexy, mysterious, sexy and, in one case, Christina Ricci; the men are cartoonier than the Mad Men Yourself avatar app; the overstacked storylines vary from stupid to stoopid (one stewardess is recruited as a spy—this doesn’t even happen on Archer).

Also new Sunday:
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, Desperate Housewives (season premieres, ABC); The Amazing Race, The Good Wife, CSI: Miami (season premieres, CBS); The Simpsons, The Cleveland Show, Family Guy, American Dad (season premieres, Fox); Sister Wives (season premiere, TLC); The Great Food Truck Race (Food Network); Kendra, Dirty Soap (E!); Squidbillies (Adult Swim)

Even this Boardwalk Empire promo cost a billions dollars: