Geek Impact

That whole Chuck vs. Reaper argument? Hack TV critics may not have their "revenge of the nerds" go-to for much longer: Nobody's watching Reaper. I mean nobody. Veronica Mars had three times more viewers in the same CW timeslot last year, and we all know what happened to her.

And as a side note: How is it that Kristen Bell (Veronica) wound up on Heroes this season, but Jason Dohring (Logan) got screwed with a role on CBS' craptacular (but still more watched than Reaper) Moonlight? Now Ghost Whisperer is suddenly high Friday-night art ... sorry, Logan.

Back to Chuck and Reaper: The only similarities are that the shows' leads work in big-box stores and happen to be as good-lookin' as TV stars. That's it. Chuck is an action series with hints of humor. Reaper is a comedy with several toes in sci-fi. When the action slows down on Chuck, the funny ain't there to carry it. Reaper rarely falls flat, no matter what mode it's in. If it were on a real network—say, as a lead-in to Heroes—Reaper would be a Fall Smash. As it is, it's just barely beating out Life is Wild (debuted to exactly 35 viewers last night) and your webcam.

So watch Chuck tonight (and then the multiple reruns on NBC properties Bravo, USA, Sci-Fi, CNBC, MSNBC, Telemundo, etc.), and watch Reaper REALLY HARD tomorrow night. Who knows, could help ...

Mars Redacts

Veronica Mars Tuesday 5.1 (The CW) Return: Oh, relax. This is one of the last times you’ll have to read about Veronica Mars here—ever. Inside TV-biz buzz says that our dear Veronica has already been canceled by The CW, and this Season 3 runoff will culminate in a two-hour series finale on May 22. Well, unless there’s a pressing Search for the Next Pussycat Doll reunion/chlamydia-screening special, then forget about closure. On the upside, this will free star Kristen Bell up for deservedly bigger and better things; she was too good for UPN, and definitely above a leftovers network that would cast her aside for far-less-talented hoochies and skanks (Top Models, Pussycat Dolls, One Tree Hillers, take your pick). And, since you’re not watching Veronica Mars on TV, be sure and check out the DVD sets and send me all kinds of “Hey, why did they cancel this great show?” queries later this year, OK?

30 Rock Thursday 4.26 (NBC) Season Finale: Oh, relax. This is the last time you’ll have to read about 30 Rock here—until next season! That’s right: Tina Fey’s unlikely little hit will be back in the fall, which is more than you can say for Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, the other “Saturday Night Live show.” True to TV, the 30 Rock gang are heading into summer hiatus in the season finale, and wackiness ensues as Liz comes off her boyfriend high, Tracy’s still missing and Jack’s marriage to the brittle-boned British bird looms—can Dr. Spaceman help? Oh yeah.

October Road Thursday 4.26 (ABC) Series Finale: ABC had the perfect Thursday night with Ugly Betty, Grey’s Anatomy and Men in Trees—until they pissed it all away on October Road, a maudlin 9 p.m. dramarama that might as well have “Just flip over to ER or Shark—hurry!” in the opening credits. Take heart: Men in Trees returns May 10, and October Road will fade into the television ether with …

Six Degrees Friday 4.27 (ABC.com) Online Burn-Off: Or, “Cross-Media Platform Repurpose,” as they probably say in the Wide World of Web. Like NBC’s The Black Donnellys (in case you didn’t notice), Six Degrees is playing out its final episodes online instead of in primetime—which makes perfect sense, to have a star-heavy multimillion-dollar series streaming on the Internet alongside no-budget YouTube videos of geeks in bathrobes smacking each other in the nuts with plastic light sabers. Also, as with the Donnellys, ABC is making the mistake of rolling the episodes out weekly (like it’s TV) instead of making them all available at once (like it’s, oh, the Internet).

Lake Placid 2 Saturday 4.28 (Sci-Fi) I’ll admit it: I actually paid money to see the original Lake Placid in ’99—it was a different century then, and Bridget Fonda was still hot. Not that she isn’t currently hot, I assume; just haven’t seen her since Monkeybone (yeah, paid for that one, too). In this long-unawaited sequel, the babies of the giant killer crocodiles of Lake Placid (which still isn’t the actual Lake Placid, just a placid lake prone to giant killer crocodiles) are grown and out for blood, and they can only be stopped by … John Schneider and Cloris Leachman? What, they couldn’t get Bridg?

The Bad Girls Club Tuesday 5.1 (Oxygen) Season Finale: God, I love this show. Sure, it perpetuates a certain stereotype of “crazy women” who fly into jealous psycho rages and/or crying jags after a few drinks, but come on … we all know one. Some of us even have a scar or bar ejection or two. Ahem. Anyway, imagine a Reality House filled with eight of ‘em while you’re safe on the other side of the screen. Beats the hell out of ESPN 2.

Orange Alert

The O.C. Thursday 2.22 (Fox) Series Finale: Chrismukka, The Ironist, Dead Coop, “Karl Rove” Taylor, Hippie Summer, Parallel-Universe Ryan, Saint Sandy, Vodka Kiki, Madame Julie, the last known sighting of Rooney—how are we ever gonna live without The O.C.? Plenty of you have for the last two seasons, even though the series has experienced a major creative rebound recently, thus reinforcing my argument that Marissa should have been killed off looong ago, perhaps trapped in a Bait Shop fire with The Killers. But, how’s it all gonna end? Kiki’s baby arrives miraculously? The whole gang moves outta Newport? Zombie Marissa shows up and no one can tell the difference? Luke makes a surprise return to utter the series’ closing line, “That’s how it was done in the O.C., bitches”? A couple of these are true …

Ace of Cakes Thursdays (Food Network) Usually, I have as much use for the Food Network as I do non-disposable dishes and utensils—but then I ran across Ace of Cakes, the American Chopper of culinary shows. Baltimore baker Duff Goldman and his boho crew of artists (not chefs) craft crazy cakes that require as much architectural skill as frosting finesse; sometimes power tools even come into play. Reality “docu-soaps” (think every series on A&E; Food Network just has this one) are only as good as their characters, and Ace of Cakes is loaded with ‘em—most notably Goldman’s right-hand man Geof, who seems to be living his own internal Seinfeld episode. The tattoo-shop shows are so over—bring on the pastries.

The Black Donnellys Monday 2.26 (NBC) Series Debut: Otherwise known around NBC as The Show That’s Gonna Save Monday Nights! Seriously! Yes, despite giving Aaron Sorkin’s Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip a full-season pickup and letting it bleed Heroes’ ratings for months, NBC has finally yanked the show (tonight, Feb. 19, is your last chance) and given no indication what’s going to happen with the remaining unaired episodes (how about a DVD combo package with the last season of Joey?). Anyway, The Black Donnellys … it was better when it was a ‘90s indie flick called Southie—co-starring Studio 60’s Amanda Peet! The four lovable Irish Donnelly brothers get caught up with the New York City mob (oh, Southie was Boston, big difference), and they’ll do anything to protect one another because it’s Family Above All or some such catchphrase. It’s hack work, but at least it’s great-looking hack work—a Paul Haggis (creator/director; Crash) specialty.

Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? Tuesday 2.27 (Fox) Series Debut: Mentioned this show a few weeks ago and everybody—and I do mean everybody—thought I was making it up. No, it’s for real: Adults are sent back to class and tested on fifth-grade material which, of course, they’ve long since forgotten since none of it applies to reality (or reality TV). It’s hosted by Jeff Foxworthy, who’s contractually bound to say “You might be dumber than a fifth grader if …” and it’s preempting House, because Fox is all about building goodwill with viewers.

Veronica Mars Tuesday 2.27 (The CW) Last Episode Before Hiatus: Veronica’s going on vacation and The Search for the Next Pussycat Doll is taking her CW slot through March. That’s right: One of the strongest young female role models in the one of the smartest and best-scripted shows on television is being sidelined so a pre-fabricated group of talentless skanks can find new a talentless skank to shake her moneymaker on the tube so middle-aged businessmen too cheap to spring for pay-per-view can spank away in the hotel room. Way to go, CW!

DVD
American Hardcore Despite the glaring shortage of Dead Kennedys material (!), Paul Rachman’s punk-doc still covers the titular scene of ’79 to ’86 well, with rare live footage of Black Flag, Minor Threat, Bad Brains, DRI, The Adolescents, 7 Seconds and more … plus the obligatory Rollins rants. SonyPictures.com

For Your Consideration This Is Spinal Tap, Waiting for Guffman, Best In Show—no, For Your Consideration doesn’t quite live up to the rest of the Christopher Guest canon, but it’s still light years beyond Norbit, fergawdsakes. And it’s arriving just in time for Oscars weekend! Wha happened? WarnerBros.com

Shut Up & Sing Those wacky Dixie Chicks just don’t like Dubya, and who can argue? Not so much the case back in 2003, when Natalie Maines blasted Bush and became a country-music pariah. Shut Up & Sing documents the hysteria that followed … in case you missed it in the news every day. WeinsteinCo.com

More New DVD Releases (Feb. 20) Alias Smith & Jones: Season 1, Flushed Away, The Journalist & the Jihadi, Man of the Year, Night of the Living Dorks, Penn & Teller: Bullshit: Season 4, The Prestige, Walking Tall: The Payback

No, Not Skanks

Hillary Clinton's Inspiration? CW entertainment prez Dawn Ostroff told a room full of doughy TV critics Friday that Veronica Mars has been doing just great following Gilmore Girls Tuesdays on the new sorta-network. She then followed up with the news that The Pussycat Dolls: The Search for the Next Doll reality series would be replacing Veronica for eight weeks beginning in March. The TV critics were torn: Veronica Mars is about the only smart, strong young female headliner on the tube these days ... but those Pussycat Dolls! Damn! P-Dolls creator Robin Antin (sister of Blow Out crybaby Jonathan) then insisted that "there’s nothing slutty about it. There's nothing skanky about it. Their clothing is cute," then added that the Dolls are "inspiring to women. The message is just finding your 'inner Doll.'" Yeah, don't you wish your teen daughter was a freak them?