The Middleman: Yes, It's on ABC Family

One of my favorite new shows is on ABC Family. No, I can't believe it, either. But tonight's episode is titled "The Manicoid Teleportation Conundrum," so how it could possibly suck like, say, Greek?

The Middleman (Mondays) is like Men In Black on a cable budget, with a hint of old-school Saturday-morning Kroft cheese. And star Natalie Morales is just TF hot, even though she never actually wears those lowcut leather catsuits as promoted by, yep, ABC Family. Pat Robertson must be rolling over in his grave.

In more clever Middleman promotional news, dig this:

Get Awkward

Frequent City Weekly contributor Brian Staker does this podcast called The Awkward Hour, wherein he sits and chats with random "interesting" people for nearly 120 minutes (yes, that adds up to far more than an hour--he's a writer, not a mathematician).

For Episode 8, he podded me. No, I don't know why, either. Much shit was talked about sports writers, rock critics, bad TV, our ever-dumber America and other stuff we can't remember (Episode 8 brought to you by Uinta Golden Spike Hefeweizen, BTW). I also alleged that CW editor Holly Mullen is on permanent vacation, so I'll be cleaning out my desk while you listen.

Check my Awkward Two Hours with Staker here.

Rescue Me: Thanks for ... Something

So the Rescue Me "minisodes" thus far (all two of 'em) have been utter nonsense--tonight, there was some sort of payoff. At least for us more perverted, er, imaginative fans of the show.

"Fantasy" kicked off with Tommy (Denis Leary) getting hot n' heavy with estranged girlfriend Sheila (Callie Thorn)--believable enough, her being insane and all. Suddenly, estranged ex-wife Janet (Andrea Roth) is joining in, at which point it's obviously a Victoria's Secret catalogue-induced dream. No sooner are Sheila and Janet turning their attentions to each other (oh, yeah), when Probie Mike (Michael Lombardi) shows up (oh ... no). Just turns into a half-assed gay joke from there.

Are these 5-minute weekly chunks going to make me forgive Rescue Me for not returning until 2009? Fuck no. But tonight, they almost had me ...

Radio From Hell SumCap 6.23.08

The summary/recap of this morning's Radio From Hell TV report on X96:

Summer TV
Burn Notice (USA, July 10), The Closer and Saving Grace (TNT, July 14), Monk and Psych (USA, July 18), Mad Men (AMC, July 27), Eureka (Sci-Fi, July 29), The Shield (FX, Sept. 2), It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX, Sept. 4), Dexter and Brotherhood (Showtime, Sept. 28).

Tuesday 6.24
Rescue Me Minisodes (FX) Five-minute comedic episodes, since Rescue Me won’t be back until 2009. Good reason to almost watch 30 Days.

Wipeout (ABC) Debut: It’s like the Japanese Most Extreme Challenge (MXC), only … no, it’s MXC.

Charlie Jade (Sci-Fi) New Night: Instead of trying to make sense of it on Fridays, try it on Tuesdays.

Wednesday 6.25
The Baby Borrowers (NBC) Debut: Dumb teens are given toddlers. A reality show, not a day at Lagoon.

Farmer Wants a Wife (CW) Finale: If you’ve been following this, please shoot yourself.

Shear Genius (Bravo) Season Premiere: It’s like Groomer Has It, but with people.

Saturday 6.28
Nothing. Go see Roller Derby at the Utah Olympic Oval, Sisters of No Mercy vs. Leave It to Cleavers. SLCDerby.com.

Sunday 6.29
The Factory (Spike) Debut: It’s like The Office, in a factory. And not funny.

Radio From Hell SumCap 6.16.08

The summary/recap of this morning's Radio From Hell TV report on X96:

Tonight 6.16
Weeds (Showtime) Season Premiere: When last we left pot-dealing MILF Nancy Botwin (Mary-Louise Parker), her home was engulfed in wildfires and she was dragging the family south down the Cali coastline to work for her new gang partner/boss on the Mexican border. It’s only going to get weirder (read: better) now that Nancy’s moving in with her estranged father-in-law (well-cast vet Albert Brooks) in the border town of Ren Mar. Meanwhile, back in what’s left of Agrestic, her former crew is pinning their marijuana crop on jailed Celia (continuing scene-stealer Elizabeth Perkins); logic and promo photos say they’ll all be reunited sometime this season.

Secret Diary of a Call Girl (Showtime) Series Debut: Secret Diary of a Call Girl is A. A sexy-smart British import about the life of a “full-service” escort, and 2. The answered prayers of Doctor Who nerds who lusted over sweet lil’ Billie Piper in the revival series a few years ago. Now, she’s Belle (the call girl) by night and Hannah (the real girl) by late afternoon, narrating the ins and outs—ha!—of her business with professional cool a la USA’s Burn Notice. Secret Diary may not be the next great Showtime series, but it’ll do until the return of Californication.

Tuesday 6.17
America’s Got Talent (NBC) Season Premiere: Hosted by Jerry Springer, with "celebrity" judges David Hasselhoff, Piers Morgan and Sharon Osbourne; Salt Lake City's own Slippery Kittens Burlesque in the first episode—you probably won't see them on KSL News, though.

Flipping Out (Bravo) Season Premiere: The OCD house-flipper is back! Sorry, houses!

Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood (Oxygen) Season Premiere: Tori Spelling and husband Dean McDermott are checking out of their bed & breakfast and moving back to Hollywood! Sorry, Hollywood!

Wednesday 6.18
Ghost Hunters (Sci-Fi) Season Finale: This week, they’ll not find a ghost in a Delaware Civil War fort.

Black Gold (TruTV) Series Debut: The new reality series from the producers of Ice Road Truckers and … man, I hate these fuckers … TruTV, but no sign of “guest star” Rooster McConaughey, brother of Matthew. Like Truckers, The Deadliest Catch, Septic Tank Rangers, et al, it’s just on the cameras and wait/hope for dismemberment; Black Gold just brings waaay to much “Danger’s a-Lurkin’” narration to the table. Or so it seems, until these West Texas oil-rig workers actually speak: They all sound like Boomhauer from King of the Hill—but at least there are subtitles.

Thursday 6.19
Penn & Teller: Bullshit (Showtime) Season Premiere: Who knew there would still be enough bullshit to go around? In the Season 6 opener, Penn & Teller take on The War on Porn, that seemingly endless battle being waged by groups of Morally Outraged Pinheads who want to regulate your TV, your Internet and whatever you’re carrying in your pants.

Friday 6.20
35th Annual Daytime Emmy Awards (ABC) Regis Philbin receives the Lifetime Achievement Award for still being alive-ish; Cameron Mathison and Sherri Shepherd host. If you're up during the day, maybe you'll know who they are.

Saturday 6.21
The Ultimate Fighter (Spike) Season Finale: Team Rampage vs. Team Forrest. My money's on Rampage—Forrest doesn't sound very intimidating.

Sunday 6.22
The Two Coreys (A&E) Season Premiere: I thought this was about the buddy misadventures of Canadian singing sensation Corey Hart and Milwaukee Brewers right fielder Corey Hart! Now that’s a reality show! Note to self: Check copyright on Hart 2 Hart …

The Guy Awards (Spike) Dubious Awards Show: I’ve become quite invested in this “Who’s hotter: Eva Longoria or Eva Mendes?” argument in the commercials for Spike’s second annual Guys Choice awards. Naturally, anyone with half a brain and at least two man-nuggets knows the only correct answer is Eva Mendes, but we’ve all been dumbfounded by the American voting public before, haven’t we? And how can you truly trust an awards show whose sole nominees for “Ballsiest Band” are the Foo Fighters and … Linkin Park?

Radio From Hell SumCap 6.9.08

The summary/recap of this morning's Radio From Hell TV report on X96:

Tonight 6.9
Nashville Star (NBC) Season Premiere: Miley Cyrus' dad hosts; Murray's Charlie Jenkins is a contestant. It's American Country-Music Idol, but even worse than that sounds.

Roman Polanski: Wanted & Desired (HBO) Filmmaker Marina Zenovich examines the statutory rape case involving director Roman Polanski--more summer fun from HBO!

Tuesday 6.10
Oxygen 25-iest: Power Couples (Oxygen) Debut: We've now reached the limit on shows with people you may have heard of spewing snarky pop-cultural references in lists.

Work Out (Bravo) Season Finale: Probably more drama than working out. Just a guess.

Wednesday 6.11
Celebrity Circus (NBC) Antonio Sabato Jr., Blu Cantrell, Christopher Knight, Janet Evans, Jason "Wee Man" Acuna, Rachel Hunter and Stacey Dash attempt death-defying stunts in a head-to-head competition in front of a live studio audience; hosted by former N'Syncer Joey Fat One.

Men In Trees (ABC) Series Finale: Say buh-bye to Anne Heche forever.

Top Chef (Bravo) Season Finale: There can be only one!

Thursday 6.12
The Bill Engvall Show, My Boys (TBS) Season Premieres: TBS unearthed the Sitcom Generator 1000, entered “husband, wife, three kids, wacky neighbor,” got back this formless lump of a show and cast anyone wandering near the production lot. My Boys cruises on the charm of star Jordana Spiroand sporadic flashes of Comedy Gold (usually via co-star Jim Gaffigan).

Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List (Bravo) Season Premiere: Immediately following Bravo’s A-List Awards (perhaps you’ve caught some of the 386 hourly commercials for it across the NBC/Universal cable spectrum), it’s the fourth-season premiere of Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List! Just because I find her hysterical doesn’t make me gay … right?

Friday 6.13
Battlestar Galactica (Sci-Fi) Mid-Season Finale: The halfway point of the fourth and final season of Battlestar Galactica … take a moment, if you must … falls on Friday the 13th? That can’t be good. Even though this episode is titled “Revelations” (oh, you bastards), don’t expect The Biggies to be unveiled until the BSG homestretch run in 2009.

Saturday 6.14
Dana Carvey: Squatting Monkeys Tell No Tales (HBO) No, he’s not dead.

Sunday 6.15
The 62nd Annual Tony Awards (CBS) The ceremony honors excellence on Broadway; the casts of Rent and The Lion King are scheduled to perform; Whoopi Goldberg hosts. So, Hugh Jackman-free?

Swingtown? How About 'Stacheville?

Tonight, CBS debuts Swingtown, a summer-dumped drama about '70s wife-swappers--you can read all about it in this week's True TV column.

The most interesting aspect of the series is, unfortunately, Grant Show's mustache; if My Name Is Earl ever returns on NBC, Thursday is going to be The Place for free rides, ladies.

For the dudes, here's CBS' lame idea of Viral Video promotion:

TruTV Makes First Contact With True TV

TruTV (formerly Court TV) has finally made contact with True TV, as my Salt Lake City Weekly column has been titled, like, forever. It's a promo pack for Black Gold, which is either a new docu-series about oil rig workers or a weekly dissection of a middling Soul Asylum song. Chain of response to come ...

True TV 5.22.08: Life & Death

The new True TV column for City Weekly is online and in print now, FYI. Remember that Life show on NBC? Yeah, me too.

Read it here.

Morning Wood With Fergie

In case you weren't up this morning (in any sense), here's a taste of Fergie on NBC's Today Show, shaking her leather moneymaker through a cover of Heart's "Barracuda." Though impressive, the best part isn't her faux fellatio on the tubby guitarist, stripper gyrations, gymnastic cartwheels and even the Axl Rose snake-wiggle, but the horrified expressions on the kiddies' faces up front. Where's the Parent's Television Council?! What about The Children?!