TV Weekend: Whisker Wars, Teen Choice, Falling Skies

You’d think a weekend in August would be much deader than this—whole lotta TV goin’ on. Not that it’s all good, mind you …

What’s new this weekend:

Friends With Benefits (NBC, tonight) Already-Canceled Series Debut: Read all about it at CityWeekly.net (Item 2).

Whisker Wars (IFC, tonight) Series Debut: Read all about it at CityWeekly.net (Item 3).

Also new tonight:
Flashpoint (CBS); Platinum Hit (Bravo) Torchwood: Miracle Day (Starz); Commerical Kings (IFC); ThunderCats (Cartoon Network); Haven (Syfy); Real Time With Bill Maher (HBO); Pauly Shore: Vegas Is My Oyster (Showtime); The Soup (E!)

Who Is Simon Miller? (NBC, Saturday) Walmart Family Movie: When her husband goes missing, a mom (Robin Lively—not relation to Blake) discovers that he’s some kinda multi-identity spy. Since this a “family night” movie from Walmart and Proctor & Gamble, don’t expect the sexy: One Christian website reviewer called it “The Bourne Identity meets Spy Kids.” Oh, fuck that.



Michael Ian Black: Very Famous (Comedy Central, Saturday) Stand-Up Special: Who can wring laughs from “blood in my stool”? Michael Ian Black, that’s who.

Breaking Bad (AMC, Sunday) We’re back on the big screen at Brewvies (677 South 200 West, 21+), totally free! Showtime is 8 pm, be there.

Teen Choice Awards (Fox, Sunday) Proving once again that teens really aren’t all that discerning in their choices—but the show is hosted by The Big Bang Theory’s Kaley Cuoco, so it’s got those, er, that going for it.

Falling Skies (TNT, Sunday) 2-Hour Season Finale: The alien-invasion epic has been picked for a second season next year, so things won’t be wrapped up tonight—but, we may find out what the space slugs want with earth. There’s also a mutiny a-brewin’ within the earthling ranks, and Noah Wylie will tousle his kid’s hair and say “Everything’s gonna be OK” at least once.

In Plain Sight (USA, Sunday) Season Finale: Damn, Marshal Mary (Mary McCormack) is huuuge! Sure, she’s pregnant, but come on—is she birthing a space slug?

Hillbilly Handfishin’ (Animal Planet) Series Debut: Just what it sounds like: rednecks catchin’ catfish with their bare hands. Not only is this a show, it’s a 12-week show. God bless 'Merica.

Also new Sunday:
Ty’s Great British Adventure (ABC); Big Brother, Same Name (CBS); The Marriage Ref (NBC); Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Ice Love Coco (E!); The Real Housewives of New Jersey (Bravo); The Glee Project (Oxygen); Drop Dead Diva, Against the Wall (Lifetime); The Glades (A&E); True Blood, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Entourage (HBO)

Preview: The end is near (but not that near) on Falling Skies ...

Fall 2008 Premiere Dates

* New Series

MONDAY SEPT. 1
Prison Break (Fox)
Gossip Girl (CW)
One Tree Hill (CW)
Raising the Bar (TNT) *

TUESDAY SEPT. 2
90210 (CW) *
The Shield (FX) >

WEDNESDAY SEPT. 3
Bones (Fox)
America’s Next Top Model (CW)
Sons of Anarchy (FX) *
Top Design (Bravo)

THURSDAY SEPT. 4
The Moment of Truth (Fox)

SATURDAY SEPT. 6
Cops (Fox)
America’s Most Wanted (Fox)

SUNDAY SEPT. 7
True Blood (HBO) * >
Entourage (HBO)

MONDAY SEPT. 8
Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles (Fox)

TUESDAY SEPT. 9
Fringe (Fox) *
Privileged (CW) *

WEDNESDAY SEPT. 10
Til Death (Fox)
Do Not Disturb (Fox) *

THURSDAY SEPT. 11
Kitchen Nightmares (Fox)

FRIDAY SEPT. 12
America’s Toughest Jobs (NBC)
Don’t Forget the Lyrics (Fox)

SATURDAY SEPT. 13
Mad TV (Fox)
Talkshow with Spike Feresten (Fox)

TUESDAY SEPT. 16
House (Fox)
Lincoln Heights (ABC Family)

THURSDAY SEPT. 18
Survivor: Gabon (CBS)
Smallville (CW)
Supernatural (CW)
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX) >

MONDAY SEPT. 22
Dancing With the Stars (ABC)
Boston Legal (ABC)
The Big Bang Theory (CBS)
How I Met Your Mother (CBS)
Two & a Half Men (CBS)
Worst Week (CBS) *
CSI: Miami (CBS)
Heroes (NBC)

TUESDAY SEPT. 23
Opportunity Knocks (ABC) *
Without a Trace (CBS)
NCIS (CBS)
The Mentalist (CBS) *
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (NBC)

WEDNESDAY SEPT. 24
Knight Rider (NBC) * >
New Adventures of Old Christine (CBS)
Gary Unmarried (CBS) *
Criminal Minds (CBS)
CSI: NY (CBS)
Lipstick Jungle (NBC)

THURSDAY SEPT. 25
Ugly Betty (ABC)
Grey’s Anatomy (ABC)
My Name Is Earl (NBC)
The Office (NBC)
ER (NBC)

SUNDAY SEPT. 28
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (ABC)
Desperate Housewives (ABC)
Brothers & Sisters (ABC)
The Amazing Race (CBS)
Cold Case (CBS)
The Unit (CBS)
The Simpsons (Fox)
King of the Hill (Fox)
Family Guy (Fox)
American Dad (Fox)
Dexter (Showtime) >
Californication (Showtime)

MONDAY SEPT. 29
Chuck (NBC)

WEDNESDAY OCT. 1
Pushing Daisies (ABC)
Private Practice (ABC)
Dirty Sexy Money (ABC)

FRIDAY OCT. 3
Wife Swap (ABC)
Supernanny (ABC)
Ghost Whisperer (CBS)
The Ex List (CBS) * >
Numbers (CBS)
Life (NBC)
Everybody Hates Chris (CW)
The Game (CW)
Sanctuary (Sci-Fi) *

MONDAY OCT. 6
Samantha Who? (ABC)

FRIDAY OCT. 10
The Starter Wife (USA) * >

MONDAY OCT. 13
My Own Worst Enemy (NBC) *

TUESDAY OCT. 14
Eli Stone (ABC)

FRIDAY OCT. 17
Crusoe (NBC) *
Crash (Starz) *

WEDNESDAY OCT. 29
Stylista (CW) *

THURSDAY OCT. 30
30 Rock (NBC)

2009
Lost (ABC)
Scrubs (ABC)
According to Jim (ABC)
Rules of Engagement (CBS)
Friday Night Lights (NBC)
Law & Order (NBC)
Medium (NBC)
24 (Fox)
Dollhouse (Fox) * >
The Cleveland Show (Fox) *
Reaper (CW)
Big Love (HBO)

Dexter Season 3 Promo!

With Weeds turning in its best season yet (so far, anyway) and Californication's David Duchovny all over the damn place pimping that X-Files movie, it's been almost easy to forget that Dexter is returning to Showtime (no, not CBS) in September. But then my free HBO got shut off--who do you complain to about that?--and this Season 3 promo turned up. Loving it, except for Jennifer Carpenter's new short hair. September 28, bitches ...

Gossip Girl: Very Bad For You

The CW's Gossip Girl isn't a favorite of The Only TV Column That Matters™, but the show's new ad campaign deserves props for turning the outrage of pinhead morality groups back on itself. No, I'm still never going to actually watch Gossip Girl, but this is some funny shit.

The ads pull quotes from various publications (including that brain trust known as the Parents Television Council, who think the only show appropriate for viewing on TV right now is The Greatest American Dog ... seriously) and use them as surprisingly effective selling points: "Very bad for you, " "Mind-blowingly inappropriate," "A nasty piece of work" and "Every parent's nightmare," coupled with sexy pix = advertising gold!

Radio From Hell SumCap 7.14.08

The summary/recap of this morning's Radio From Hell TV report on X96:

Tonight 7.14
The Closer, Saving Grace (TNT) Season Premieres: Kyra Sedgwick is returns as The Closer; Holly Hunter returns Grace what needs saving. TNT should combine the two shows into Closing Grace, the new Cagney & Lacey.

Tuesday 7.15
The Cleaner (A&E) Series Debut: Benjamin Bratt stars as a recovering addict who helps other get “clean” from their addictions. Apparently, Bratt’s addictions are stilted monologues and menacing facial hair.

From Gs to Gents (MTV) Series Debut: “MTV heads to the hood to find 14 young Gs with gruff exteriors and unrelenting street swagger, and put them to the ultimate challenge of their lives pull up their pants, check their egos and transform them into true gentlemen.” And Fonzworth Bentley is the man to do it! Who? What? Huh?

Wednesday 7.16
Project Runway (Bravo) Season Premiere: Back for Season 5—last one on Bravo before it moves to Lifetime, a far less gay channel.

Dog the Bounty Hunter (A&E) Season Premiere/Return: Yes, they let him come back. Gene Simmons and Criss Angel ain’t payin’ the bills.

Thursday 7.17
The Office Webisodes (NBC.com) The new round of The Office Webisodes (last seen in 2006) premiered last week with a very funny two-minute bit involving Kevin (Brian Baumgartner), alleged gambling debts and a possibly fraudulent bank loan. This week (new installments go online Thursday afternoons), the story continues with Kevin trying to sell his “Malone’s Cones” ice-cream business—marquee flavor: “Fudge the Magic Dragon”—plan to a loan officer. Of course it’ll work!

The Gong Show, Reality Bites Back (Comedy Central) Series Debuts: NBC’s smarm-wreck America’s Got Talent is just a clone of The Gong Show, so why not bring that back? With Dave Attell in place of original host Chuck Barris? I believe the question answers itself. Slightly more entertaining is Reality Bites Back, wherein comedians compete in spoofs of popular reality-competition shows, all presided over by Michael Ian Black. Since neither The Gong Show nor Reality Bites Back is as ridiculous as their targets, they must be viewed as legit talent shows. Mind. Blown.

Friday 7.18
Monk, Psych (USA) Season Premieres: Since the actor who played Monk’s therapist is dead, here’s Hector Elizondo, his new shrink. Other than that, same ol’ OCD detective show. As for Psych, if you either loved or hated the wacky crime-solvin’ antics of Sean and Gus before (True TV finds ‘em hysterical, FYI), your mind will not be changed, much less blown.

Sunday 7.20
High School Musical: Get In the Picture (ABC) Series Debut: Wondering why Nick Lachey was spotted around Salt Lake City a few weeks ago? More pressingly, wondering who Nick Lachey is? The former Mr. Jessica Simpson is the host of High School Musical: Get In the Picture, yet another reality-talent show. What’s the ultimate prize? Starring in a music video to be shown in the end credits of High School Musical 3. Seriously. This is a major network series. Projected to air for 10 weeks.

Generation Kill (HBO) Miniseries Pt. 2 of 7: David Simon and Ed Burns’ Generation Kill is more than just The Wire Goes to Iraq—but that’s easier. The seven-part series, based on embedded Rolling Stone reporter Evan Wright’s book of the same name, shares The Wire’s bare-bones realism and dark humor, but hits harder (or should) because it’s on the news 24/7 and happening right now—Iraq gets more coverage than Baltimore, after all. If HBO’s WWII-set Band of Brothers had more profanity, heavy metal (music and hardware) and no historically ordained happy ending, you’d have Generation Kill.

The Office: New Websodes!

The new round of The Office Webisodes (last seen in 2006) premiered today with a very funny two-minute bit involving Kevin (Brian Baumgartner), alleged gambling debts and a possibly fraudulent bank loan. Next week (new installments go online Thursday afternoons), the story continues with Kevin trying to sell his “Malone’s Cones” ice-cream business—marquee flavor: “Fudge the Magic Dragon”—plan to a loan officer. Yeah, I know—you’ll wait for the DVD set.

The Middleman: Yes, It's on ABC Family

One of my favorite new shows is on ABC Family. No, I can't believe it, either. But tonight's episode is titled "The Manicoid Teleportation Conundrum," so how it could possibly suck like, say, Greek?

The Middleman (Mondays) is like Men In Black on a cable budget, with a hint of old-school Saturday-morning Kroft cheese. And star Natalie Morales is just TF hot, even though she never actually wears those lowcut leather catsuits as promoted by, yep, ABC Family. Pat Robertson must be rolling over in his grave.

In more clever Middleman promotional news, dig this:

Get Awkward

Frequent City Weekly contributor Brian Staker does this podcast called The Awkward Hour, wherein he sits and chats with random "interesting" people for nearly 120 minutes (yes, that adds up to far more than an hour--he's a writer, not a mathematician).

For Episode 8, he podded me. No, I don't know why, either. Much shit was talked about sports writers, rock critics, bad TV, our ever-dumber America and other stuff we can't remember (Episode 8 brought to you by Uinta Golden Spike Hefeweizen, BTW). I also alleged that CW editor Holly Mullen is on permanent vacation, so I'll be cleaning out my desk while you listen.

Check my Awkward Two Hours with Staker here.

Rescue Me: Thanks for ... Something

So the Rescue Me "minisodes" thus far (all two of 'em) have been utter nonsense--tonight, there was some sort of payoff. At least for us more perverted, er, imaginative fans of the show.

"Fantasy" kicked off with Tommy (Denis Leary) getting hot n' heavy with estranged girlfriend Sheila (Callie Thorn)--believable enough, her being insane and all. Suddenly, estranged ex-wife Janet (Andrea Roth) is joining in, at which point it's obviously a Victoria's Secret catalogue-induced dream. No sooner are Sheila and Janet turning their attentions to each other (oh, yeah), when Probie Mike (Michael Lombardi) shows up (oh ... no). Just turns into a half-assed gay joke from there.

Are these 5-minute weekly chunks going to make me forgive Rescue Me for not returning until 2009? Fuck no. But tonight, they almost had me ...

Radio From Hell SumCap 6.23.08

The summary/recap of this morning's Radio From Hell TV report on X96:

Summer TV
Burn Notice (USA, July 10), The Closer and Saving Grace (TNT, July 14), Monk and Psych (USA, July 18), Mad Men (AMC, July 27), Eureka (Sci-Fi, July 29), The Shield (FX, Sept. 2), It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX, Sept. 4), Dexter and Brotherhood (Showtime, Sept. 28).

Tuesday 6.24
Rescue Me Minisodes (FX) Five-minute comedic episodes, since Rescue Me won’t be back until 2009. Good reason to almost watch 30 Days.

Wipeout (ABC) Debut: It’s like the Japanese Most Extreme Challenge (MXC), only … no, it’s MXC.

Charlie Jade (Sci-Fi) New Night: Instead of trying to make sense of it on Fridays, try it on Tuesdays.

Wednesday 6.25
The Baby Borrowers (NBC) Debut: Dumb teens are given toddlers. A reality show, not a day at Lagoon.

Farmer Wants a Wife (CW) Finale: If you’ve been following this, please shoot yourself.

Shear Genius (Bravo) Season Premiere: It’s like Groomer Has It, but with people.

Saturday 6.28
Nothing. Go see Roller Derby at the Utah Olympic Oval, Sisters of No Mercy vs. Leave It to Cleavers. SLCDerby.com.

Sunday 6.29
The Factory (Spike) Debut: It’s like The Office, in a factory. And not funny.