American Idiots

The Day the Music Died (Again) Last night, 37.3 million viewers tuned into the season premiere of American Idol, the largest audience for Fox's karaoke showdown ever. Of course, the tryouts were pure crap, and it's only going to get slightly less ear-raping from here. By all means, let's keep encouraging these otherwise useless fucks to reach for the stars, America—the music industry ain't going to kill itself.

And Fuck Steely Dan, Too Catch that NFL playoff game between the New Orleans Saints and the Philadelphia Eagles on Fox last weekend? Have you filed your FCC complaint for irreversible damage to you and your children’s psyches? Fox cameras panned to the stands during the first quarter to capture celebrating Saints fans, only to get a four-second flash of a woman wearing a belly-shirt bearing the message “Fuck Da Eagles.” Sportswriters across the nation were outraged, though not over the bastardization of “the.” “It’s equivalent to flipping a vulgar hand sign at the government,” wrote The Washington Post about Fox’s lapse at the delay button. “And to many viewers, as well, who doubtless are watching this game with their children.” Yeah, because a word is far worse for The Children than watching millionaire dopers bash each other around a field. The Parents Television Council has fired up the form e-mail machine, so maybe we can finally get football off network TV.

Digital Nips In other Fascist Communications Cabal news, Desperate Housewives producer Marc Cherry revealed this week that “I spend like $100,000 a week taking nipples out of my show because I’ve got a couple of actresses who refuse to wear bras, and the [FCC-fearing ABC] Standards & Practices go ‘Can’t see that.’ Then I'll turn on Friends and it’s a nipplefest.” While ABC is fretting over deadly RT, the body count for the season premiere of 24 this week on Fox was in the thousands—and yet Fox spent more time apologizing for Da Eagles shirt. Lighten up, ABC—Teri Hatcher's nipples will be pointing to the floor by the end of this season, anyway.