The Masses? Asses

Oh, You People The People's Choice Awards tonight proved that the people are nothing if not predictable—except, Halle Berry for favorite female action star for X-Men 3? Was she even IN X-Men 3? That was Famke Janssen's movie, you pinheads! TV choices like The Class and Heroes were at least interesting, but then the people pissed it all away on Nickelback (shudder, gag) and a slew of prizes for Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (an even worse sequel than X-Men 3). As The Kills once said, "fuck the people." Your, uh, winners:

Movies
Female star: Jennifer Aniston
Male star: Johnny Depp
Leading lady: Cameron Diaz
Leading man: Vince Vaughn
Female action star: Halle Berry
Male action star: Johnny Depp
On-screen matchup: Johnny Depp & Keira Knightley
Movie: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Movie drama: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Movie comedy: Click
Family movie: Cars

Music

Female singer: Carrie Underwood
Male singer: Kenny Chesney
Group: Nickelback
R&B song: "SexyBack" by Justin Timberlake
Hip-hop song: "Shake That" by Eminem
Pop song: "Hips Don't Lie" by Shakira
Country song: "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood
Rock song: "Who Says You Can't Go Home" by Bon Jovi
Song from a movie: "Life is a Highway" by Rascal Flatts from Cars
Remake: "Life is a Highway" by Rascal Flatts

TV
Comedy: Two & a Half Men
Animated comedy: The Simpsons
Drama: Grey's Anatomy
Competition/Reality show: American Idol
New Comedy: The Class
New Drama: Heroes
Female star: Eva Longoria
Male star: Patrick Dempsey
Talk show host: Ellen DeGeneres

Wait, Grey's Anatomy is a drama? Proud to be an American ...