Man Candy

Nothin’ But Cancelled NBC, apparently stunned that the already low-rated series failed to attract viewers after being dumped in the Saturday-night dead zone, has finally killed Kidnapped—but hey, it’ll at least conclude on NBC.com! Meanwhile, the John Lithgow/Jeffrey Tambor crapfest Twenty Good Years was as good as gone when NBC announced the return of the Thursday comedy block (you can’t make me use the term “Must-See”) on Nov. 30, which will consist of My Name is Earl and The Office, joined by returning champ Scrubs and Tina Fey’s wildly uneven 30 Rock (seriously—what the fuck, Tina?). That’s two full hours of sitcoms sans laugh tracks, followed by ER, which really should have one. No word on the possibility of Twenty Good Years finishing out on NBC.com, but if you ask nicely the network might fax it to you.

Nail-Biting Curiosity And no, NBC has not—repeat, not—cancelled Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip … yet. Despite reports to the contrary (namely from Fox News, so there ya go), NBC entertainment prez Kevin Reilly says the network plans to stick with Studio 60, 30 Rock and the ridiculously overrated Friday Night Lights (sucked when it was called One Tree Hill) until somebody notices they’re still on. Possible strategery: Move FNL to Mondays after Heroes—where it scored big as a fill-in last week—and plant Studio 60 on Wednesdays opposite ABC’s unfortunately drooping The Nine (which will only worsen when Lost goes on vacation—more on that later) and whatever CSI redundancy CBS runs at 9. Or just replace the real Saturday Night Live with Studio 60.

Show Me the Money Tuesday 11.14 (ABC) Series Debut: Ready for a new game show that combines Deal or No Deal, Dancing With the Stars, William Shatner and a decade-old catchphrase? Me neither! Next …

3 Lbs. Tuesday 11.14 (CBS) Series Debut: Dr. House is now a neurosurgeon—and he’s Stanley Tucci! The title, currently the 84th numerical reference on TV (not counting—ha!—Numb3rs) refers to the weight of a human brain before sitting through a hackneyed medical drama wherein two doctors with wildly different techniques (One’s acerbic! One’s compassionate!) must somehow work together to Save That Patient. After, not so much.

Medium Wednesday 11.15 (NBC) Season Premiere: Oh yeah—can’t move Studio 60 to Wednesdays at 9; it’s occupied by Patricia Arquette now. The Season 3 opener of Medium bears an eerie stalker-riffic similarity to the season premiere of Ghost Whisperer back in September: A former lover of Our Heroine (in this case, Arquette’s real-life husband Thomas Jane) wants back into her life/pants … and he happens to be dead. Naturally, instead of crossing over, he decides to take up intangible residence in her house and mess with the husband. Meanwhile, Arquette’s daughter, who also sees dead people, starts dreaming in cartoons—fortunately, it’s Johnny Bravo, not 12 Oz. Mouse. No coming back from that.

Dancing With the Stars, Day Break Wednesday 11.15 (ABC) Season Finale/Series Debut: Will self-deposed dancer Sara Evans make good on her promise to return for the big finale? Could Joey Lawrence be any creepier? Is Mario Lopez cheating? The Answers: Yes, no and … cheating what? The readers of Man Candy Quarterly? As for ABC’s new sci-fi-ish serial and Lost sub Day Break, just pretend Tru Calling, Groundhog Day, The Fugitive and Brown Sugar (no plot relation, just a shit movie) never happened: Taye Diggs stars as a cop framed for a Murder He Didn’t Commit who keeps living the same day over and over again—will he set things right, or just make matters worse? At least for The Nine, probably worse.

DVD
Beverly Hills 90210: Season 1 Finally! It was only the most important series of the ’90s! Fox’s fabled tale of fishes-out-of-water Brenda and Brandon Walsh could be considered the original O.C., just with a longer trajectory into ridiculousness and even longer sideburns. Ah, the high school years—why did they have to graduate? Paramount.com

Melrose Place: Season 1 Finally! It was only the other most important series of the ‘90s! The 90210 spin-off got deliciously soap-opera stupid in quicker fashion, but only click through the cloyingly dull early episodes for backstory purposes. Does this mean a DVD of ill-advised Melrose spin-off The Heights is coming? Paramount.com

The Sopranos: Season 6 Actually, Part 1 of Season 6; Part 2 won’t even air until ’07, as Sopranos fans are painfully aware. As divisive as this season was/is, plenty happened after Tony returned from Gunshot Dreamland—Gay Vito was the buzz, but the major characters (particularly Drugstore Christopher) got the best play. End? Near. HBO.com

The West Wing: Season 7 Too bad most (justifiably) bailed when Aaron Sorkin did a season before, because The West Wing regained most of its shine in the last lap thanks to a new presidential race (Jimmy Smits and Alan Aldam, almost rising to Sheen-ness). Maybe this DVD will generate some interest in Studio 60 … WarnerBros.com

More New DVD Releases (11.7) Cars, Grounded for Life: Season 4, JAG: Season 2, Little Man, LoudQuietLoud: A Film About The Pixies

BROADBAND
Dexter Like the HBO of five years ago, it’s getting tougher to put off getting Showtime, thanks to cool original series like Weeds and the dark new Dexter, currently the premium net’s No. 1 show (yeah, people are twisted). Still not convinced the story of a lovable serial killer is for you? Watch the first two episodes online for free; you’ll come around. Sho.com