You Ugly

A Week Without a Post, Now This? Yeah, I know. So tonight, ABC is running a Bruckheimer flick from 2000, the critically acclaimed coming-of-age tale Coyote Ugly starring Maria Bello and Piper Perebo. Wait, did I say critically acclaimed? I meant universally reviled; easy mistake. I actually watched this entire movie once (not sober, trust me), and the lesson I took away was "Follow your dreams and you can accomplish anything ... if you're a ridiculously hot piece of ass who can get slightly more beer in the glass than on your chest." But now, I'm thinking: If Tyra Banks had debuted as an "actress" in a better movie, would we be tortured with her talk show today? Also, did Piper Perebo, Bridget Moynahan and the other blonde who's not Maria Bello just go on an extended Embarassment Vacation after this tanked? And lastly: I have cable--why the fuck am I watching this? Hey, I'm sick; I need help. (Word to Dick Dietrick.)